


Chalex Oneshots

by AlexStandallsSmile



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: 13 reasons why, Angst, Canon Disabled Character, Fluff, Gay, M/M, One Shot, Sad, Sad Alex, Zalex, chalex - Freeform, charlex, charlie is a Saint
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 11:40:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 34,782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24849172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexStandallsSmile/pseuds/AlexStandallsSmile
Summary: This is a book full of Chalex oneshots, from the fluffy to the sad.Leave me requests in the comments!
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Comments: 220
Kudos: 313





	1. Alex Can’t Sleep

An Anxious Day

Alex hadn’t slept in three days. He would toss and turn each night, slumped in an anxious mess against his pillows, watching his clock slowly make its way to 6am. His eyes felt heavy, his limbs ached, but each time he drifted off, all he could hear were gun shots, loud and clear as if they were firing right at him. His body would shake awake, and he’d be rendered a mess for the rest of the night. 

This had been standard daily procedure since the shooter drill three days ago, where his heart had been in his mouth, his mind flashing back to the god awful night two years ago that he begged he’d forget again. Ever since, he felt traumatised, his brain working overtime as he tried to calm his own distress. No matter what he did, it wasn’t good enough. He couldn’t sleep, and at this rate, he’d never sleep again.

“Hey, you okay?” He felt a hand lay softly on his shoulder, pulling him back from his drift as they sat in the cafeteria. “You’ve not even touched your lunch Alex.” Charlie St. George, was nothing less than an actual saint, smiling sadly at Alex as he offered him his Twinkie. “I know your mum makes you eat all that freeform organic shit, so you can have this if you want?” He chuckled slightly, placing it on Alex’s tray for the older boy to take.

“Not hungry.” Alex muttered in a deflating tone. He let out a heavy sigh, pushing his tray away from him. “Thank you though.” He mustered up a small smile, gently placing his hand on the other boy’s in gratitude. 

Charlie smiled, rubbing small circles into his palm. “You don’t seem yourself.” He pursed his lips in concern, eyeing Zach and Jessica as they sat across from them watching with a worried stance.

Alex shook his head, anxiously playing with Charlie’s fingers as he tried to calm his nerves. He didn’t want the person he was growing to like to think he was an even bigger freak. It wasn’t normal to still be traumatised from a flipping drill, he was fucked up, much too fucked for the likes of Charlie St. George. 

“Come on Alex, we’ve all seen it man, you look like death warmed up right now.” Zach weighed in, quickly quietened by Jessica as she proceeded to kick him under the table. “What!? I’m just saying what we’re all thinking!” He proceeded, smiling sadly at Alex as the frail boy rolled his eyes. 

“Guys, seriously I’m fine okay, I’m fine, I just want to be alone for a bit.” He pulled his grip away from Charlie, wobbling as he stood. He could feel another panic attack coming on, and he needed to get some fresh air pronto. He grabbed his bag, refusing to look behind as Charlie called his name in concern.

“He’s definitely not fine.” Jessica bit her lip, emptying the contents of Alex’s lunch tray onto hers to be cleared. “Charlie, you should go after him.” She motioned, giving him a nod of approval as he began to stand.

“You think it’s a good idea?” He asked. All he wanted to do was wrap the boy up in his arms and tell him he could talk to him about anything. But he also knew that with Alex it was important to not overstep. 

“He needs you right now.” Jess encouraged, handing him his bag. “He’s different around you, he listens to you for a start which is more than what he does with us. Please go to him, I’m worried about him Charlie, he’s not been right for days, and with his past you know-“ 

“I know, I know.” Charlie placed a friendly hand on her shoulder, calming her worried demeanour. “I’ll get to the bottom of it, I’ll make sure he’s okay.” 

“You’re good for him you know, I’m glad he has you.” She pressed a friendly peck to his cheek, Zach giving him an approving nod behind her as he went off to find Alex, the boy who’s sad smile was currently breaking his heart.  
.  
.  
Alex found himself slumped against a bench in the empty part of the school courtyard, using all his strength to tightly grip his bag as he desperately tried to calm his breathing. All he could hear were gunshots, he could feel his body shake with them, his head heavy and tired, his eye bags making him look all the more sick and crazy. He wanted someone to hold him and tell him he’d be okay, he wanted to sleep, but neither of those things were going to happen.

Maybe he deserved to feel like this? He did put a hole in his head after all. His tired eyes watered as he continued to take laboured breaths, his hands now sweaty, his body fidgeting as he rocked himself back and forth. He was having a panic attack and he couldn’t stop it any longer.

It was only when he heard an all so familiar voice that he flinched, unclenching his eyes as he looked up to see a blurry figure through his tears.

Charlie.

“Hey, hey, Alex, what’s wrong.” The younger boy spoke softly as he slid down next to Alex’s shaky figure, gently placing his hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay Lex, try and slow your breathing, I’m gonna help you through this.” He smiled calmly as the frail boy tentatively nodded, burying his head into Charlie’s chest impulsively. He didn’t know what else to do. He needed this boy right now, he needed someone to tell him he’d be okay. He felt like he was dying. Was he dying?

Charlie pulled him into a gentle hug, one hand brushing through his fluffy hair as he rubbed soothing circles with the other into the boy’s back. He didn’t ask questions in that moment. He knew Alex needed to be held, and that was enough.

“It’s okay Lex, I’ve got you, I’ve got you.” He pressed a kiss into his hair, holding back his own tears as he felt his boy shake, tears staining his burgundy jumper.

After sitting like that for 10 minutes, Charlie constantly whispering calming words into Alex’s ear, Alex pulled his head up slowly, drying his tears with a shaky hand. Charlie giggled breathlessly, using his thumb to gently wipe them from his cheeks.

“I-I’m s-sorry.” Alex whimpered quietly, looking down at the floor in embarrassment. “Y-You shouldn’t have to d-deal with that.” He gulped nervously as he pulled back.

“Hey, hey, hey, never say that Lex.” He shook his head, clasping his hand between both of his. “You should only ever be yourself in front of me, I like you for you, and right now I’m worried about you, we all are.” He frowned. “You look like you haven’t slept in weeks Alex.” 

Alex sighed, breathing back his tears as he prepared to tell Charlie what had been going on. He felt as if he could trust him. Tell him anything in that moment.

“G-Gunshots.” He whispered earning a look of confusion from the younger boy. “E-Ever since the drill, I-it’s all I can hear. I-I haven’t slept, I can’t focus, a-and I feel like it’s never going t-to stop.” He began to cry softly again, burying his head into his hands as Charlie grew concerned.

“Jesus Alex, c’mere” Charlie pulled him into his embrace for a second time, this time looping his arms round his thin frame. “You should have told me, you shouldn’t have to go through this on your own. I’m here now though, and it’s gonna be okay, it’ll get better I promise.” He tried to soothe the boy, pulling away slightly to peck him on the lips. “I’m gonna help you.”

“B-but no matter what I do I c-can’t sleep.” He whimpered. “I close my eyes and I’m back there, holding the g-gun.” He gulped. 

“Let’s get your home okay?” Charlie took off his jacket, instinctively wrapping it around his boy as he pulled away. “I have a plan to help you get some sleep.”   
.  
.  
“I’ve tried everything Charlie.” Alex huffed as the younger boy handed him the hot chocolate. 

They had been in Alex’s room for half an hour, and while Alex freshened himself up, Charlie had drawn the drapes, turned on Alex’s indie string lights and set up a movie on his laptop. Alex had walked out of his bathroom in a long bed shirt and some comfy shorts to find Charlie sat with two cups of hot chocolate, and a smirk on his face as he patted the space next to him on the bed. 

“Well, you’re not gonna try to go to sleep Lex, we are gonna watch a movie instead.” Charlie smiled, pressing a kiss to Alex’s forehead as the older boy began to sit comfortably in his embrace, propped up by an abundance of cushions. 

“It’s A Wonderful Life.” Alex giggled breathlessly, rolling his eyes. “The movie from the party? That’s going to stop my stupid head from spinning?” 

“Well, we never got to finish it at the house party, and we were definitely too high to remember what happened, so yes, this is what we are going to do.” He winked at Alex as he snuggled down to lay against his chest, pressing play quickly as they settled amongst the dim light. All he needed was for Alex’s mind to focus on something else, it was the only plan he had. 

Alex felt warm and comfortable in his bed for the first time in days, his head laying softly in the crook of Charlie’s neck. He could smell his cologne, simple but sweet, understated and comforting, just like Charlie. For the first time in days, when he closed his eyes he couldn’t hear gunshots, only his boyfriend’s heartbeat, pattering softly in a calming rhythm. He felt calm too, he was no longer scared.

So when Charlie looked down at him only five minutes later, he smiled lovingly at Alex’s sleeping form, his heart melting as his hand gripped softly at Charlie’s jumper, his head finally peaceful against his chest. He pressed a kiss to his head, and pulled the blankets up over his small figure.

“One day we’ll finish this movie.” He chuckled to himself.   
.  
.  
A/N - Ahhh so that’s my first Chalex oneshot!! Please send me any requests in the comments!! I’ll try to do as many of them as I can!! ❤️


	2. The Accident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request from @SkaterGirl: The one where Alex is in an accident and Charlie becomes the protective boyfriend he is.

Charlie couldn’t sleep, he tossed and turned but it was just no good. He had gotten so used to having Alex by his side, that his bed felt cold and empty without him. Sleep seemed pointless without him. He had no one to snuggle into, no one to press kisses into his hair or hold his hand when he couldn’t sleep. Alex was his rock, his constant and the kindest person he’d ever met. He was lost without him and it had only been 12 hours.

Zach and Jessica had dragged Alex out for the evening. He was back for the summer from college, and as unenthusiastic as he was about socialising, even Alex had missed hanging out with his friends. Charlie was of course invited, but he had decided to stay home this time, wanting Alex to enjoy some alone time with the people he had been through so much with, before he was due to go back next week. 

It had been a beautiful summer filled with picnics, an abundance of gaming sessions and cuddles and kisses, rendering it the most perfect school holiday Charlie could wish for. He had grown to know Alex inside out, from his highs to his deep lows, loving him endlessly despite his struggles. He was happy because Alex was happy, and after everything his boy had been through Charlie called it a miracle.

He tossed once again, eyeing the clock as it hit 3am. Alex had promised to text him when he was home safe, but as the hours passed Charlie had a gut feeling that something wasn’t quite right. Maybe they had pulled an all nighter, gone to a club somewhere in the city. Maybe they had drunkenly headed back to Jessica’s for a sleepover and his mind had been off his phone. He shook his bad feeling away, placing his mobile back on the nightstand once more. 

He was sure he’d be okay.  
.  
.  
3:45am

Charlie woke with a jolt, his short slumber fading quickly as he heard his phone ring out. His eyes widened, his heart fluttering as he went to pull it from the charging chord. Maybe Alex needed a lift. 

His brow furrowed as he saw Jessica’s number shining through the screen. He shook away confusion and quickly answered.

“Hey Jess, what’s up?” He spoke groggily, rubbing the sleepiness from his eyes. He could hear heavy breathing on the line, and his heart began to speed up. “Jess? Talk to me, what’s happened? Are you okay? Is Alex okay?”

“C-Charlie.” Jess whimpered. Her voice cracked, the signal was touch and go. “W-We had an accident.” She cried, her voice breaking as she went distant from the phone.

Charlie shot upwards, his words mute for a second as he tried to process. Alex was in an accident. Alex was in a crash. Alex.

“A-Are you okay?” He mumbled quickly, shakily pressing speaker phone as he rushed to pull out some clothes. “Where’s Alex? Is he okay?Jess tell me Alex is okay.” He fretted, his voice raised in fright as he hovered over the phone. “JESSICA.” 

“S-Someone crashed into the side of Z-Zach’s car, it o-overturned. Both me and Zach managed to climb out but A-Alex, h-he-“

“Oh god no, Jess, please, what about Alex, did he get out of the car too?” Charlie felt like screaming. He’d clumsily pulled a jumper over his head, his sweats sufficing as bottoms, and he was rushing down the corridor, car keys in hand. “IS ALEX OKAY?” 

“H-He hit his head badly, h-he’s not waking up Charlie, h-he’s not waking up.” Jessica was balling, and through the bad reception and her loud tears he could just about hear sirens in the background. “W-We are on the way t-to the h-hospital, c-come quickly.” She whimpered, breathing heavily into the phone. “I-I’ve called his d-dad too.” Charlie gulped back the lump in his throat, letting out a heavy breath as he reached his car. 

“I’m coming Jess, hang in there, tell him to hang in there.” Charlie choked on his tears as he ended the call, starting his engine up with shaky hands. Alex had to be okay. He had to be, for Charlie couldn’t live without him.  
.  
.  
Charlie didn’t know how long he had been waiting. The hours had blurred together, his body too nervous to settle and sleep. He had watched the sun rise from the hospital waiting room, anxiously looking from the window to the admissions door, desperately waiting for a doctor to come out with some news.

Jessica was slumped next to him, her head resting against his arm as she had shakily cried herself to sleep. She had a bruise forming just above her eyebrow, her lip split and a few grazes on her arms, but she was safe, and for that Charlie was grateful.

Zach was sat across from them, his expression similar to Charlie’s as he nervously bit his fingers. He had been driving the car, and had only just been discharged. His eye was swollen, his arm laying in a sling, but his focus was on Alex, his best friend.

“Alex Standall?” The two boys quickly whipped their heads to the left, Charlie standing instinctively at the sound of his boyfriends name. They moved to stand behind Bill and Carolyn, Zach tentatively grabbing Charlie’s arm in reassurance.

“He’s my son, is he okay?” Bill panicked, anxiously clenching his wife’s hand. “Please Doc, it’s been hours and we’ve heard nothing here.” 

The doctor smiled sadly, nodding as she led them to some chairs. “He’s out of surgery and he’s stable.” Her eyes were soft as she watched the boy’s mum let out a cry of relief. Charlie put his hand to his mouth, a tear threatening to fall as Zach pulled him into a hug.

“We had to remove a blood clot surrounding his brain, but luckily the damage to his previous head injury was minor. He’ll be weaker for a while, and it may have had some impact on his TBI recovery, but we’ll know more when he wakes up.” The doctor smiled, placing her hand comfortingly on Carolyn’s shoulder. “He’s going to be alright Mrs Standall.” She reassured.

Charlie watched as Alex’s parents were escorted towards the ward, his eyes still red and puffy from hearing the news. He needed to see him desperately, but for now he’d have to wait.  
.  
.  
It was two hours later when Bill Standall entered the waiting room once again, smiling down at Charlie’s sleeping form as he laid curled up amongst the chair. Jessica and Zach had been collected by their parents for well earned rest, but the younger jock had refused to leave until he saw Alex awake and well.

“Hey, Charlie, buddy wake up.” Charlie woke to see Alex’s dad hovering over him, a warm smile on his face as he placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Alex is awake buddy, he’s asking for you.” 

Charlie’s eyes lit up, his heart fluttered, and he accepted Bill’s welcoming hand to be pulled up out of the most uncomfortable chair he’d ever sat in. 

He was going to see Alex, and that is all that mattered. 

He took a deep breath before entering the room before him, the whole corridor smelling of Detol cleaning fluid, the clinical lights hurting his eyes. Alex was behind that door, all he had to do was open it, but his shaky hand stopped him as he wavered by the handle, his eyes welling.

“Come on buddy, he’s okay, just be gentle, he’s very weak and groggy from the surgery.” Bill assured. 

Charlie could have gasped at the sight before him, his boyfriend laid propped up against some pillows, a canula covering his soft skin, his eyes heavy and his hair covered in a bandage. He saw the scratches on his cheek, his arms limp at his side as he looked up and smiled weakly.

“A-Alex.” Charlie whispered. “Baby oh my god.”  
He rushed to his side, taking the seat next to the bed as he took in the sight of him. “Lex, talk to me, how are you feeling?”

Alex felt almost too weak to talk, he felt overwhelmed. He was so happy that Charlie was there that his eyes started to water, his fingers shuffling to rest on Charlie’s as a sign of gratitude. Charlie immediately took them into his hand, caressing his palm with his thumb.

“S-Scared.” He mumbled, a tear falling as he began to stress. “H-Hurts.” He finally let his brave demeanour fall, and he felt himself crumbling into the arms of the person he’d wanted to see since he’d woken up.

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m here now.” Charlie cooed, rubbing the tears from his cheeks. “Try and slow your breathing, you’re okay baby, you’re okay.” 

Alex sniffed back his sobs, a small smile forming as Charlie pulled away, adjusting his blanket, and placing a kiss to his head. 

“I don’t know what I would have done if I had lost you.” The younger boy locked eyes with Alex as he let his weight fall into the pillow. He was silent from exhaustion but used the strength he had left to keep his eyes on Charlie. He relaxed as Charlie caressed his cheek, pulling his limp fingers into his hands and pressing them to his lips. “You’re the best thing that ever happen to me, you know that right.” 

Alex let out an inaudible giggle, his lips curling, inviting Charlie for a peck.

“L-Love you.” Alex whispered, fighting the urge to fall back into his dreamless sleep. 

“I love you more Alex Standall.” Charlie declared, not letting go of his boyfriend’s hand as he allowed his head to rest on the side of the bed. 

“Y-You should go home and s-sleep.” Alex mumbled tiredly as he nestled down to slumber.

“I can only sleep when I’m with you.” Charlie whispered, finally closing his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments so far! I’ll try to write as many requests as I can, so keep sending them my way x


	3. The First Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first game 
> 
> Request from @whyimgoingtohell - Alex comes to see Charlie during his first football game.

It was the first game of the season. Charlie was nervous, his hands sweaty, his breaths heavy as he paced the locker room. 

He was the quarterback, the quarterback that was 100% going to let everybody down when he choked on the field. All he could think of was screwing the play up, dropping the ball, tripping over another players shoe. Something was going to go wrong. 

He knew his father would be watching. Head of the boosters, a man that was proudly telling other parents that his son was playing centre stage tonight. He didn’t want to let him down, he didn’t want to let his team down. He’d hoped that Alex would be there, his comforting eyes helping him along from the stands, but as of two days ago he’d gotten a call from his boyfriend, the sweet boy apologetic and defeated as he told him he couldn’t make it back for the game. 

Charlie knew he was swamped with the college work, but a little piece of him wished that he could have dropped it, just to see him play. He wanted Alex to be proud of him, that’s all he ever really wanted.

“You ready St. George? Luke patted his back ruffling his hair as he grabbed his kit. “Don’t be nervous Charlie, you’ve got this.” He gave him a cheeky wink before picking up his jersey and heading out towards the door.

“I just thought he’d be here you know.” Charlie sighed, earning a comforting smile from his friend. “He calms me down.” 

“Well, the quicker you head onto the field, the better then.” He motioned to the door, chucking Charlie his helmet. “Come on St. George, let’s smash this.” 

Charlie was confused, but followed tentatively, walking out onto a field filled with bright stadium lights and roaring crowds. There were so many people, but the stadium felt empty to him, empty without his boy. As the team began to do their final huddle, his heart rate quickened. It was nearly time, he couldn’t do this.

“Okay team, I want a nice clean game, no messing around, no stupid shit okay?” Coach Kerba bellowed, earning a couple of shouts from the team in agreement. “WHO ARE WE?”

“TIGERS”

Charlie felt his head spinning with nerves.

“TIGERS” 

He couldn’t do this without Alex there.

“TIGERS”

As he pulled back from the huddle, his brow furrowed in confusion as the boys crowded in front of him, coach Kerba smirking as they stood in the middle of the field, blocking his view.

This wasn’t normal, what was happening?

It was only the roaring scream of the crowd in the stands that alerted him to the situation before his eyes. He watched in amazement as the jocks parted, allowing a small framed boy with fluffy brown hair to walk towards him, holding a small bouquet of flowers and a confronting smile.

Alex Standall.

“W-What are you doing here?” Charlie mumbled breathlessly, his hands flying over his mouth in shock. He walked towards him, his eyes welling. 

“You didn’t think I’d miss your first game right?” Alex smirked, finally resting his hand on Charlie’s shoulder. He was shaky, he hated being watched by crowds of people. “C’mere you.” He placed the bouquet to the floor, looping his arms around Charlie’s figure. At that Charlie crumbled into his embrace, tears threatening to fall.

“B-But you said-“ he was confused, Alex was busy, he’d told him he was busy.

“I lied you dufus, I can’t believe you believed my pathetic attempt at deception.” He giggled, bopping the jock’s nose with his thumb. “So since I’ve come all this way I’m counting on you to win this for me.” He joked, holding his tiny Liberty flag.

“You hate sport and this school, since when did you care about football.” Charlie laughed at the little thing, as Alex put it back in his pocket.

“Since I knew this made you happy. I may hate this school, but I love you more.” He confessed, standing on his tip toes to give the boy one final peck. “And anyway, you’re lucky. I don’t do public displays of affection very often, so take it in Charles, I am currently dying right now.” 

“God I love you.” Charlie laughed, rolling his eyes. To that Alex nodded, whispering it back as he pulled away, motioning with a nod that the game was about to begin.

“You can do this, I’ll be right at the front, cheering you on.” Alex nervously stood back, enveloping himself back in the crowd, and Charlie took a deep breath. He could do this, Alex made him strong.

“RIGHT TIGERS, ARE WE READY TO TAKE THIS GAME AND SMASH IT?” Coach Kerba screamed as the team lined up. 

Charlie took a final look at Alex, who had found a seat between two seniors, a proud smile on his face. He could do it, he’d win it for him.

And do you know what? He did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the support!!


	4. Anniversaries and Screaming Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request from @Canadian_31 - An anniversary ten years into the future ❤️

*June 5th, 2030*

"So what do you fancy doing today then?" Alex smirked, winking seductively as both he and Charlie pulled into the driveway. It was 9:00am, and after dropping the kids off at school, the day was theirs to seize.

It had been 6 years to this day, that they had finally settled down. Charlie was convinced that getting married to Alex Standall was like a breath of fresh air, the fight to breathe it all in, but then the calming, welcoming exhale, when you realised it couldn't get better. That was life with Alex. It couldn't be any better.

After about a year of meddling with adoption agencies, and working long nights for little pay, the pair had hit the jackpot, blessed with a set of twins more gorgeous than Charlie could describe. They were bright, bold and happy, but totally unlike each other. Polar opposites was the only way they could be described.

Mia and Jack had just turned 5, the ‘crazy age‘ as Alex called it, his head sometimes spinning as they’d run circles around him, throwing toys like grenades with screams loud enough “to send him deaf”. He was constantly exhausted, but god was it worth it.

"I don't mind, but I do know one thing." Charlie chuckled, turning off the engine, as he leaned over the seat. "I have wanted to do this for the whole car journey." He saw a smile plaster itself on Alex’s face, as he cupped his cheek gently in his hand. His soft skin, made Charlie fuzzy, almost delirious as he leaned in, pulling Alex towards him. He gradually accepted and they shared a long passionate kiss, roughly tugging on each other's shirts. Alex was beautiful. And he was his.

"Happy anniversary baby" Alex whispered, regaining his breath, as they pulled away. His warm touch on Charlie’s neck, almost tied his tongue, but he managed to mouth 'I love you' as they leaned in again. Today was going to be a good one.

"Buzz buzz, buzz buzz"

"Who's that?" Charlie questioned, now opening the car door. They were on their way back inside, when Alex’s phone began to ring, his all so familiar ring tone echoing against his trouser pocket. He accepted the call, and shooed him away as he opened the front door, curious as to whether the call was important or not.

"Yes...yes, we will come down there straight away...okay...bye.” He hung up almost immediately, and took the keys out of Charlie’s hand. Charlie was dumbstruck at first, but his face softened as Alex began to head to the car. He had a feeling that he knew what was wrong.

"Is it Jack again?" Charlie asked, following him into the passenger seat. "Was that the school?" 

This was the thing about Jack. He was a five year old boy, who was most of the time very happy, but he differed from his sister, this is when it came to school. They had only started less than a year ago, both with different attitudes, and both with different friends. Mia had always been very outgoing, her bubbly personality making her confident, cheeky even, rather like Charlie. But then there was Jack, who was the quieter of the two, almost like Alex. Always quite nervous, apprehensive, when it came to school especially. He hadn't been doing too well at the moment, and the school ringing up was a usual occurrence.

"Apparently he is pining to go home again." Alex sighed, starting up the engine "The principal says that he was in floods of tears, cowering in the toilets. He is down in the nurseS office." For a five year old, it was normal to have separation issues, but with Jack something was different. He was frightened to be away from the pair, and his frail personality hadn't helped. They had brought them both up from 6 months old, but they were both so different.

Charlie looked across at Alex, smiling sadly at the anxious look on his face. “He’ll be okay Lex.” He whispered, reaching out to place his hand over his husband’s. 

Alex shook his head, gulping back the obvious lump in his throat. He was terrified, terrified that Jack would turn out like him. “What if it’s me Charlie, what if I’ve turned him into a nervous wreck, what if he ends up like me?” He panicked, pulling into the school car park. 

“Then he’ll be the kindest person this world has seen.” Charlie reassured, his hand cupping his chin. “He’s just fine Lex, this just happens sometimes.” Alex nodded, proceeding to get out of the car. This was becoming too frequent.

As they reached the school gates, the familiar routine was about to start again. Jack was closer to Alex when it came to school, always pining for him, rather than Charlie. The pair thought it was because Alex was the calmer one of then both, always good at dealing with tricky situations. So Alex would talk to him, and persuade him to stay, whilst Charlie talked with the principle, informing him on how the situation was yet to change, how they still had trouble getting him to school in the morning.

"I'm here for Jack Standall-St.George, I'm his dad." Alex smiled as they stood against the office desk. Before they knew it, they were being led to the medical room, to find their little boy huddled in the corner on a chair, his heavy breathing and red puffy eyes, a sight no parent should see.

"little man?" Alex smiled, as Jack looked up, drying his tears on his jumper sleeve. He began to kneel down beside him and took his little hands in his. "What's up baby?" He cooed, massaging comforting circles into his palms.

"I w-want t-to g-go home!" Jack whined, falling into Alex’s chest as he did so. Charlie began to crouch down next to them as Alex pulled Jack close, fiddling with his golden stands of curly hair.

"You can't just stay at home baby, as much as we would love you to." Alex explained, pulling him onto his knee. "Everyone has to go to school at some point, just for a few years."  
He smiled, placing a kiss on his forehead.

"No. I-I d-don't want t-to!" He started to cry again, his foot kicking out as he wriggled from Alex’s grasp. He flew into Charlie’s arms, and began to sob violently against his shirt. "Please daddy, please don't make me go out there!" He pleaded, batting against his chest. "PLEASE!"

Charlie glared at Alex with a sad smile, and then back at the principle. 

"I suggest that you take him home, Mr St. George. He is in no fit state to stay here today." He shook his head before walking away. Charlie sighed as he saw Alex begin to grab his backpack, and he pulled Jack away from his grip.

"Jack, I need you to listen to me okay?" He said, his hand caressing his little locks of hair. "We're going to take you home, under one condition." He looked up at Charlie as he choked on his tears, there was hope in his eyes as he grabbed his hand. "If you come home today, you have to come here tomorrow, right?"

He watched his son’s face fall, his hand snatching itself away as he nodded solemnly. His eyes were still teary, and his nose streamed, but he was still cute, adorable In fact. Charlie watched as Alex picked him up gently, positioning him on his hip as he calmed. Jack rested his head against his chest, and buried his face, almost away from the other kids. They began walking and had soon reached the car.

"Right little man, let's get you home." Alex soothed, placing a small kiss on his forehead. He began to open the car doors, and placed Jack in the back seat. "I'll sit with him, he looks like he needs it right now." He suggested, climbing in next to him, and smiling as Jack's grip on his shirt became tighter.

Charlie couldn’t help but watch the pair from the mirror as he drove home, smiling lovingly as he watched Alex stroke Jack’s arm in comfort. Jack had fallen asleep, but Alex still proceeded to hold his hand, their bond close as always. In that moment, Charlie felt grateful. Alex was such a good dad.

"So this has been an interesting day so far." He chuckled, rolling his eyes as they reached the house once again. Alex just nodded, unbuckling Jack from his car seat, and cradling him against his chest.

"I'm going to put this one to bed, and then we can start our anniversary." Alex winked, trudging up the stairs. "The little mite has tired himself out, he must be exhausted!" He said as he looked down at the child in his arms. "I love him so much Charlie, but he worries me. I want him to be okay just like his sister" He frowned, gulping back the lump in his throat.

"I know" Charlie whispered to himself. "I do too."  
.  
.  
It was later in the day now, the house quiet as Charlie went to pick up Mia from school. As for Alex, well he was resting up against the sofa. He’d still get tired now and again, and sometimes needed to take a break. As for Jack, he’d been asleep for two hours, but had now joined him in the living room, playing with his toys.

"Daddy?" he stopped playing with his cars and pushed himself onto the sofa, his bottom now firmly sat on Alex’s lap. Alex looked up from his computer and turned to face him, his eyes shining in comfort, and a smile spreading across his face.

"What's up little man?" He cooed, taking one of his hands in his. Jack played with the denim strap on his dungarees before looking into his eyes, almost nervously. Before Alex could say anymore, Jack pulled him into a hug, his arms wrapping themselves around his chest.

"Do you love me as much as Mia?" he spoke quietly, his lips were now trembling as he pulled away from Alex’s grip. "Mia doesn't make problems Daddy, not like me!" he sniffled, his eyes growing watery for the second time today.

Alex shook his head stretching his arms out for him. The little boy gracefully accepted the comfort and began to suck his thumb against his chest. Alex kissed his hair and pulled him onto his knee so he could see his face properly.

"Daddy Charlie and I love you both more that the world itself." He started, his heart breaking as he saw him cry. "You are perfect Jack, and you are not or never will be a problem. Always remember what I told you okay?" He smiled, caressing his cheek. "I'm like a flower. You are my little ray of sunshine..."

"And Mia is the water. If you didn't have us both you wouldn't be able to survive." He finished the sentence, his smile now forming again, as he bounced up and down on his knee. "I know the saying Daddy, but why am I the sunshine?" he questioned.

"I'm not sure baby, but it just fits like that. Maybe it's because you remind me of myself a bit. I was a lot like you as a child, the quieter one, not like my brother, but Grandma Standall always said that to me. I was always the sunshine. She said I was the one that made her see light on the darkest of days, happiness even." He thought back to his childhood, and nodded his head. Jack was definitely like him. 

"Do I make you happy daddy?" he suddenly replied, standing on the sofa to peck Alex’s cheek.

"Happier than I have ever been, little man." He laughed, kissing him back. "You, your sister and your other daddy, have made me the happiest man in the world.” He whispered. “There was a time when I thought I would never be happy, but look at me now. That is going to happen for you too Jack, you remember that okay?”

"Good." He replied in a hushed tone, turning on the TV. He was still so young, and had a lot to learn, but Alex already knew, he would one day be a great person, and be just like him, happy, in love, with children of his own.

He settled in silence for just a minute, taking in his cute little boy as his worries seemed to fade away. He was so innocent, he deserved so much good in the world. His thoughts were interrupted as the door opened and another squealing voice entered the house.

"Daddy daddy, look!!" Mia shouted as she jumped into Alex’s arms. He stood up from the sofa, and kissed her forehead gently. Her dirty blonde ringlets swayed back and forth as He placed her on his hip, smiling as she handed him a card.

"What's this baby girl?" He questioned, placing her down as he opened the envelope.

"It seems that our daughter is quite the little artist." Charlie smiled, now walking over to them as he put the keys down. He pecked Alex on the cheek and wrapped his arms around his waist. "Missed you honey." He whispered into his ear. Alex instantly blushed, and took his hand, still opening the card.

'Happy anniversary daddy Alex & daddy Charlie!'

There was a sparkly green design in front of him, cute little scribbles in a red marker pen on the front, and a heart around the boy’s names. Let's just say it was covered in a lot of glitter, as Alex now had twinkling hands too.

"My teacher said I could make one in art!!" She beamed, taking it from him and beginning to read the inside. Mia was such a good reader, all thanks to Charlie, insisting that her and Jack read with him every night before bed time. Alex had to admit it had paid off, she was the brightest in her class.

"To daddy and daddy. Happy ann-ivers-awy, love from Mia." She read confidently, melting Alex’s heart as she tried to pronounce big words.

"Thank You baby girl, I love it!" He chuckled placing it on the coffee table. She twirled around in her checkered dress, and kissed his cheek. He rubbed her head and let her run back to Charlie’s embrace.

"I'm sorry that I didn't make one daddy, I didn't forget I just..." Alex looked around to find Jack next to Charlie, trying to explain something. Charlie just shook his head and pulled him into a hug. "It's okay Jack, just having you is all we need!" He soothed, pushing him towards his sister. 

“You two go and play a bit, I need to make dinner okay?" Alex motioned to the stairs, smirking as they nodded and ran. They were already bickering as they went. Typical siblings, Alex chuckled to himself.

"I didn't know you were making dinner?" Charlie raised his brow, sending a cheeky grin his way. "I think I better film this, I'm sure your mum would love to watch!" He joked, patting him cheekily on the shoulder. Alex shook his head and rolled his eyes, before walking towards the sink and washing his hands.

"For your information, I have been learning this recipe for a while, you know, since you love it so much" He laughed, grabbing a pan from the cupboard.

"Don't tell me, you're cooking yourself?" Charlie joked, swinging his arms around his neck to place a kiss on his cheek.

"Haha you wish St. George" He rolled his eyes, tapping the boy’s nose with a wooden spoon. In that moment Alex’s eyes lit up, the smaller boy smirking as he walked over to pull something out of his bag. Suddenly there were two little boxes sat in front of Charlie, both wrapped in red paper and a tag hanging off of both of them. Their shiny exterior made them inviting and the younger boy felt fuzzy as he opened them up.

"You like?" Alex laughed, as he peeled the tape from the first one, peering into the box. It was a make your own sushi kit, a food that both Charlie and Alex enjoyed, and went out to get regularly.

"So this is your idea of cooking then?" Charlie teased, emptying out its contents onto the counter top. "I love it babe, it's going to be perfect.” He cooed, pressing a peck to his ear.

"Open the second one." Alex pestered, leading him towards it. Charlie pealed the paper down and revealed a beautiful white box, a note saying 'open me' on the top. He pushed the lid off, letting out an inaudible gasp as his eyes grew teary. Inside was a rose gold photo frame, one with tiny shapes on it, all filled in with pictures. There was one of the wedding, and a few with the kids. Basically all of Charlie’s happiest memories, there in front of him, beautiful.

"I love you so fucking much!" Charlie sniffed, looping his arms around his husband. Alex nodded in response, before carefully caressing his cheek, still standing on tip toes to give his man a proper kiss. Charlie giggled, lifting Alex by the waist, allowing him to sit on the counter top, arms looped around his neck. 

"I have something for you too!" Charlie quickly realised, leaving Alex chilling a few metres off the ground. There was no use trying to get to the floor, his leg had never regained full function, and he struggled to jump down.

Alex’s eyes widened as he saw his husband return with a large box, wrapped in gold paper, with an emerald green bow. Charlie placed it on his lap, motioning for him to look inside.

As he uncovered it it revealed a vintage record player, the one he’d been banging on about since he’d introduced Charlie to all of his old music collection. He’d wanted one forever, but they were crazy expensive.

“C-Charlie.” He whispered, his breath hitching in shock. “You shouldn’t have.” His hands looped back around the boy’s neck. His forehead resting against his husband’s. 

“Wait, wait, it gets better.” Charlie cooed, pulling back to open up the record player, placing a singular record under its casing. 

Alex’s eyes lit up as the song began to play, but not just any song. Their song.

‘In the town where I grew up, I met a girl’

“Your majesty, will you have this dance with me.” Charlie joked, looping his arms around Alex’s waist and lifting him off the counter into a standing position.

“You’re so cheesy.” Alex teased, his head resting in the crook of his husband’s neck as the song played. “You make me so happy.” He whispered into his ear, pulling back to lock eyes with him.

‘Would you like to fall in love with me’

“Happy Anniversary Lex.” Charlie hummed, pressing a kiss to his head. “Here’s to many more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I think this is the fluffiest fic I’ve ever written! Alex would make such a good father 🥺 x


	5. Jealous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Multiple requests - Charlie is jealous of Zach and Alex’s Kiss.

Alex cuddled tighter into Charlie’s chest as the pair desperately tried to slumber against the stiff hospital chairs. Justin had days, hours even, and both Charlie and Alex’s hearts were in their mouths, anxiously waiting for some news, good or bad. Most people had gone to grab just a few hours of sleep, but ever since Zach had gone off the rails, Alex wanted to stay in the hospital to make sure he was there for him as soon as he finished his talk with Justin. 

Charlie had decided to stay with him, gently stroking the boy’s fluffy hair as he laid against him. He sadly sighed as he watched him try to find comfort, the stress and exhaustion evidently taking a toll on his TBI, his body and mind beginning to grow weaker.

He admired Alex’s kindness, his ride or die love for his friends, but couldn’t deny the pang of jealously in his stomach as his boy continued to move heaven and earth to make sure Zach was okay, even if it affected his own health and recovery.

If he was being honest with himself, he’d been thinking about it all night. His brain still on the kiss that Alex was yet to tell him about, his brain still on the fact that Alex once liked Zach, a friendship that until tonight he thought of as platonic. He tried to shake it off, instead focusing on Alex’s shallow breathing and painful expression as he tried to sleep.

Alex was exhausted, his head hurting, his limbs aching as he slumped against his boyfriend for support. They had been in the hospital for nearly three days, and he didn’t want to admit that he was feeling rubbish. This wasn’t about him, it was about Justin who was going through far worse at the moment. He strived to be there for his friends, ignoring his Dad’s frequent texts that begged him to take a break.

For once he wanted to be strong like everyone else, not a burden with a hole in his head that was currently spinning. Stress combined with lack of sleep messed with his TBI, making his legs more tired and his balance wobbly. He felt shaky, disoriented even. He was hoping that a nap would sort it, desperately trying to catch a few minutes before Zach came out.

As his eyes fell shut, beginning to suck him into dream world, he felt a hand rest clumsily on his shoulder.

“Jesus Zach, don’t wake him, this is the first time he’s slept in 3 days.” Charlie warned, his tone more forceful than usual. Alex didn’t want to think too much into it, but forced himself awake, pulling his body up slowly into a sitting position.

“I’m awake, I’m awake.” He yawned, sluggishly rubbing his eyes. “How’d it go?” He asked, smiling sadly at Zach as he stood before them with puffy eyes and a disheveled expression.

“It was really hard, but I’m glad I did it.” He smiled, finally swigging from a bottle of water rather than whiskey. 

“Proud of you.” Alex nodded, grimacing slightly as he tried to move his bad leg. “I think we are staying for the long haul, wanna join us?” He mumbled, earning a look of concern from Charlie, as he stared him up and down.

Zach sighed as he looked down at his water bottle, finally feeling the effects of his excessive drinking, and now banging hangover. “I reckon I might need to sleep this off, before I’m of any use to Justin or his family right now.” He huffed, his head in his hand. “I’m sorry to be such a pain, but there’s no way I’m over the legal limit, could I get a lift home St. George?” He asked, smiling down at Charlie, who was currently more worried about Alex instead.

“Why don’t we all go back home for a few hours, you can rest at mine Alex.” He suggested, his hand resting on Alex’s as he shook his head. “You look exhausted Lex, you need to take a break.” He smiled, pressing a kiss to his hair.

“I’m okay, take Zach home and get some rest, I’ll be here when you get back.” Alex mumbled gently. 

“Yeah, I’m sure Alex is a big boy he can take care of himself.” Zach joked, winking at Alex, the pale boy who inaudibly chuckled. 

“Well maybe if he hadn’t been taking care of you for the past month instead, he would have taken care of himself.” Charlie spat, his eyes rolling as he stood to grab his car keys. “And maybe if you weren’t so drunk you could drive your own ass home and let me take care of my boyfriend.”

Alex was dumbfounded. For Charlie this was out of character, a side he’d neither seen or wanted to see again. Zach’s demeanour changed instantly, his stance suddenly aggressive as he stood over Charlie. 

“Have you got a problem Charlie?” It was evident that stress and alcohol had become a bad combination for the former jock, and for the first time in his life, Alex was scared of the pair of them. 

“Oh I don’t know, maybe if you stopped drinking yourself into oblivion and actually thought about your friends for a second we wouldn’t have had to drag you to see Justin, and you’d notice that Alex, who is unbelievably shattered, has waited here for you this entire time, and you don’t even have the decency to say thank you.” Charlie was ranging, lack of sleep, and jealousy fuelling his fury as Zach stood back with wide eyes, his own blood boiling.

“Oh that’s it St. George, you’re only being a dick because you found out Alex kissed me first.” Zach’s words hit low, and as Charlie went to raise his hand Alex gasped.

“STOP, please, both of you-“ As he went to stand up the world felt fuzzy, his vision blurring, his head spinning. He felt his legs give way, and stumbled limply, falling as Charlie quickly turned to catch him.

“ALEX?” Charlie fretted, supporting his weight as he fell limp into him, quickly lowering him back into the chair. Alex’s head was killing, his own hand pressed against his eyes as he tried to slow the world down. He was having a sensory overload, the lights too bright, the room too hot, voices loud and piercing. He felt as if he was floating. “Alex, talk to me, are you okay?” Charlie was now kneeled in front of the chair, hands on his boyfriend’s knees incase he fell forward.

Zach had rushed to the other side of him, unscrewing his water bottle and placing his hand behind the boy’s head, helping him take a sip. “Here, take small sips, you’ll feel better.” He breathed, worried as his friend looked deathly pale.

“M’ fine” Alex croaked, swallowing a painful breath as he tried not to grimace. “J-Just stood up too fast.” He mumbled, a small curl of the lips forming to try and reassure Charlie, the boy who was currently panicking.

“No Lex, you’ve overdone it, you’re not okay.” Charlie insisted, catching his boyfriend’s chin as his head lolled forward again. “We need to get you home and in bed.” He urged, caressing his cheek with his thumb. “Will you let me do that?”

Alex had no willpower left. He wanted to be strong, strong for Justin, but he couldn’t even speak, his eyes threatening to close. He wanted to stop his friends from fighting, but he couldn’t find the strength.

“Yeah, come on man, let us help you, you’ve done so much, it’s okay if you need a break.” Zach backed Charlie up, nodding at the jock apologetically. “You’ve helped me so much over the last few months, let me repay the favour.” 

All Alex could do was nod, his eyes welling as Charlie began to loop his arms into his coat for him, not letting his arm move from around his waist in fear that he’d completely fall forward. 

“Do you reckon you can walk Lex?” Charlie questioned, as he motioned for Zach to take the weight on Alex’s left side as they pulled him up into a standing position. He smiled encouragingly as Alex weakly nodded his head, heavily leaning on the pair as they more or less carried him to the car. 

As they got into the parking lot he felt his legs go weak again, feeling incapable and embarrassed as Charlie lifted him up, sitting him in the front seat of his car, before reclining it back slightly. 

“Try and rest on the drive home.” Charlie kissed his forehead, wrapping his jacket over the top of his thin frame before starting the engine. Zach stared sadly at the pair, before climbing into the back.

“Look I’m sorry about earlier.” Charlie gulped, breaking the silence with Zach as they pulled into Alex’s driveway. “I suppose the whole situation at the moment is just heightening emotions.” He relented, finally smiling at Alex’s sleeping form as he got out of the car.

“No, man, I’m the one that’s sorry.” Zach apologised, placing a friendly hand on his shoulder. “I’m mad that I’ve been putting so much on Alex, he’s come so far that sometimes I forget how fragile he is.” He looked over at his friend, curled up under Charlie’s Liberty jacket. “I haven’t seen him this run down since last year in PT.” Zach sighed.

“It’s happened a few times recently, he just hides his struggles well I guess.” Charlie murmured. “I think he’s been so focussed on helping everyone else, he’s neglecting himself” 

Zach shook his head, his eyes welling as he looked over at Charlie opening the car door, gazing at the pair as Charlie caressed his boyfriend’s cheek. 

“You’re good for him.” Zach assured, his lips pursed in awe. “I know you’re mad he kissed me first, but I’ve never seen him happier with anyone than you.” He quickly rubbed the tear from his face, his gaze falling to the floor. “You’ve got nothing to worry about St. George, he loves you.” He smiled, giving the jock a friendly pat on the back before turning to walk home. 

“Thanks for the ride man.” With that Zach began to head down the drive, smiling as Charlie mouthed a thank you, as he proceeded to scoop up Alex and carry him through the door.

After making it up the stairs to Alex’s room, Charlie let out a sigh of relief as he finally placed his boyfriend under the covers. Alex was completely unconscious, in dreamworld Charlie hoped as he laid down beside him, looping his arms around his small figure and spooning him in an attempt to comfort him.

It wasn’t until the next morning that Charlie woke to see Alex laying beside him, eyes groggy but open, his blue orbs shining, his complexion a little less pale.

“Morning you.” Charlie mumbled, pressing his lips to Alex’s head. “How are you feeling?” 

“Achey, tired, but ready to take another day on.” Alex smiled, nuzzling his nose next to Charlie’s as he moved himself to rest in his embrace. “What happened between you and Zach last night?” He questioned, his expression soft with confusion.

“I got over protective Lex, I’m sorry, I was worried about you.” Charlie hummed apologetically. “I may have taken the whole kiss thing slightly too far.” He admitted, biting his lip in regret.

“Firstly.” Alex chuckled. “You don’t need to worry about me.” To that Charlie rolled his eyes, shaking his head in disagreement. “And secondly, you have noting to be jealous about baby, the kiss with Zach was impulsive, more a crazy moment of intimacy after he saved me from falling off a building.” He smirked as Charlie gasped.

“You nearly fell off of a building?” He panicked, squeezing his boy tighter. 

“That’s a story for another day, but my point is, I’ve never enjoyed kissing anyone more than you, I love you Charlie, and only you.” Alex confessed, smiling as Charlie began to well up.

“C’mere” He whispered, pressing his lips to Charlie’s, their tongues twisting together slowly, passionately. “Thank you for helping me last night.” Alex continued as he pulled away. “You’re right, I need to take it easy for a while.”

“That can be arranged Standall.” Charlie smirked, pulling the covers back on his side as he proceeded to stand. “How about breakfast in bed before we head to the hospital?” He suggested playfully.

“Perfect.” Alex smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one took an interesting turn. I feel like people often forget about the lasting affects of a TBI. In real life, Alex would still have set backs and bad days even after recovery, which I tried to show because I feel like the show forgot that sometimes! X


	6. Helpful Yoda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Multiple requests: Tony acts as Cupid to get Alex and Charlie together.

“Hey.” Alex chimed as he walked into Tony’s garage for the 3rd time this week. He looked nervous as always, as he shakily stood with two coffees and a friendly smile. “Wondered if I could hang here with you for a bit?” 

Tony nodded, his head sticking itself out from under the car as a form of greeting. He smiled at him as he watched the small boy perch against the petrol cans, gazing down at his fingers with glazed eyes, as if he didn’t know what else to do. Tony was confused as always when it came to Alex, they had ‘hung out’ three times this week but Alex refused to say a word, just silently watching Tony work each time for a couple of hours. It was strange, but Tony allowed it, his intuition telling him that something bigger was going on. He was just surprised, surprised that Alex would come to him of all people. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the boy, but he wouldn’t have said they were close.

In an attempt to cut the tension, Tony pulled himself out from under the car, cleaning off his hands with a wet cloth before walking over to Alex’s little frame that appeared hunched and dishevelled. Something wasn’t quite right, and with Alex’s history, Tony didn’t want him to bury himself in his thoughts.

“Fancy going for a walk?” He smiled, taking a sip of the coffee his friend had brought for him. “It’s a nice day, I know a good trail.” He watched Alex raise his head from his solemn stare at the floor, nodding as Tony offered his hand to help him stand.

“M’okay” Alex whispered, pulling himself up with his good hand, before looping his bag over his shoulder. “Wanna go?” He tried his best to appear talkative and somewhat normal as they made their way to Tony’s car, but inside his stomach was swimming with nerves, eating his insides like an anxious predator. He didn’t know who else to talk to.

“So Standall, talk to me.” Tony encouraged, as they pulled up at the national park. “What’s on your mind?” The 20 minute car ride had been a mix of silence and old music as Alex sieved through Tony’s tapes. It was only as they began to walk through and abundance of hills filled with trees, that Alex gained what courage he had to open his mouth. 

“How did you know you were gay?” He mumbled, staring down at his shoes as they walked further up the hill. Tony let out understanding sigh, motioning for the boy to perch next to him as he took a spot on the grass. 

“I just knew I suppose.” Tony smiled, fiddling with the blades of grass beneath them. “I tried things with girls and I just felt like I was playing a role you know? And then I started feeling shit for boys.” He watched carefully as Alex’s demeanour changed, his breathing slightly quicker as he locked eyes with Tony. “It was hard to come out to a catholic family, but you have to be true to yourself.” He saw Alex nod, his eyes suddenly back on the ground.

“You wanna talk about it?” Tony questioned gently, catching onto the meaning behind their current conversation. He understood what he was trying to say, desperately trying, but failing as he saw his friend’s hands begin to tremor. 

“You know that no matter what, it’s going to be okay don’t you?” He added, comfortingly curling his lips as Alex’s face started to fall. He watched his friend’s eyes well, his little hands shakily flying up to cover them in embarrassment.

“Oh, Alex, man, it’s okay.” Tony shuffled closer, embracing his fragile figure as the boy began to sob. “Hey, c’mere, you don’t need to say anything, just let it all out.” He could feel his own eyes watering as Alex let out violent sobs, the pain for the smaller boy overwhelming on top of everything he’d already been through. 

It was a solid five minutes before Alex pulled away, releasing a long awaited sigh of calming exhaustion before staring Tony anxiously in the eye. He could do this. “I-I think I’m b-bisexual.” He stammered. “O-Or g-gay, I don’t know yet.” He choked back more tears, his shoulders finally slumping as he relaxed slightly.

“I’m so proud of you Lex.” Tony beamed, ruffling his friend’s hair as he embraced him once again. “That took guts man, no need to put labels on it.” He reassured, earning a teary nod from Alex as they sat back to look over the city. 

“So, is there a guy you like?” He teased after the boy dried his tears, aiming to lighten up the mood slightly. He smirked as Alex’s cheeks were tinged pink, his blushing a clear sign he had someone in mind. “Ooooh, go on, spill the tea as all the juniors call it.” He chuckled, batting him friendlily on the arm.

Alex rolled his eyes, shaking his head in jest. “Firstly you’re only a year older than the juniors, not a 50 year old man.” Alex mocked. “Secondly, maybe, but it’s so stupid, I don’t even know if he’s gay and even if he was, he wouldn’t go for me.” He ran his hand through his hair, flinching as he traced his fingers over his scar. He was weird and broken, no one would love him like that.

“Hey, cut this negative bullshit, you’re a catch man, anyone would be lucky to have you.” Tony asserted, his arm resting across his shoulders. “Tell uncle Tony, he’s a good match maker!” He winked at him cheekily.

“Yeah I’m definitely a catch if he’s into the scrawny and broken.” Alex joked darkly, kicking the grass with his good foot. “He’s on the football team okay, now do you see my point, it’s never going to happen.” He huffed.

“Ohhh so you have a thing for Charlie St. George.” Tony chuckled, nodding his head in confidence as Alex appeared wide eyed and dumbstruck in response.

“How did you know?” Alex was shocked, stifling a giggle and a gasp as he continued. “Oh my god Tony please don’t tell him.” 

“I’ve seen the way you look at him.” Tony grinned. His brow furrowed and he looked deep in thought as Alex hit his arm. “You know what? I’ve seen the way he looks at you too.” He put his index finger to his lips, his mind spinning with possibilities.

“You know what, Clay’s right, you’re totally an unhelpful Yoda.” Alex stressed, shaking his head. “You really think he might like me too?” He questioned nervously, locking eyes with the boy who had a mischievous look on his face.

“Just be at the find your drink party tonight okay?” He winked, laying a friendly hand on his knee. 

“What are you? Cupid?” Alex snorted, head in his hands as he inaudibly chuckled. “There’s no way I’m going to talk to him about this, I will literally die from embarrassment.” He huffed as the two proceeded to stand.

“I have much better style than Cupid.” Tony joked, pointing at the leather jacket twisted around his waist. “Leave it to me Lex, I won’t let you down.”  
.  
.  
It was five hours later and the find your drink party was in full spin. Alex had ridden with Zach, nervously fidgeting in his car for the entire journey. He felt sick to his stomach, constantly taking small anxiety ridden breaths to calm himself. Tony had refused to tell him his plan, so in order to avoid all social interaction and embarrassment he’d found himself a quiet cinema room in this extortionately priced house, and proceeded to curl up against the sofa with his eyes on the TV, anything to take his mind off this god awful night. 

“Hey.” He was thrown out of his thoughts as he heard a hushed voice creep behind him. His head sprung round, his eyes widening as he gulped back the instantaneous lump in his throat. Charlie St. George was behind him, his sweet and innocent crush, nervously twiddling a bag of cookies in his hands. 

“Hey.” Alex mumbled, softly curling his lips as he begged to swallow back his nerves. “I see you found the anti-social corner of this party.” He tried to joke, but it came out as more of a breathy stutter, causing Alex to flush slightly. 

“I’m sorry if I’m interrupting, I just, well, Tony told me to check out this room, said it was like a mini cinema or something.” The younger boy’s gaze was now on the large screen before him, It’s A Wonderful Life playing almost inaudibly in the background. 

Alex could have cursed Tony, this was undoubtedly one of the most embarrassing encounters of his current existence. He didn’t know what to do, so he approached the situation like he always did, with awkward kindness.

“N-No, no, of course not, join me if you’d like.” He encouraged, patting the seat next to him. “We can both hide from the party together.” His nervous laugh made Charlie smile, the younger boy looking up at the screen with wide eyes as he sat.

“That’s one hell of a big TV.” He muttered, pulling the bag of cookies into his lap. “Want a special cookie?” He offered, sensing the other boy’s anxiety. “I can tell this party isn’t your kind of thing.” He chuckled, a friendly hand resting itself of Alex’s shoulder.

Alex’s breath hitched. He could have flinched as soon as they made contact, but he kept his composure, a sarcastic grin spreading across his face. “How could you tell, it’s not like I’m sat in a dark room on my own.” He teased, gratefully taking a cookie from Charlie’s bag.

“What are you? Like a baker or something?” His eyes widened as he bit into the gooey treat. “These are so good Charlie.” He nodded, using his tongue to pick out the chocolate bits between his teeth. 

“Yeah, I had to learn.” The boy replied, sadly sighing at the ground. “My mum died when I was young, I used to make her these to get through chemo.” He watched Alex’s demeanour fall, his eyes comforting as he lightly rested his hand on Charlie’s. Charlie felt his heart race, his own face flushing, but he didn’t dare show it, Alex didn’t like him like that. 

“I’m so sorry, Jesus Charlie are you okay?” Alex asked, his own mind boggled at his sudden hand on hand contact. What was he doing, what if Charlie found it weird? He tried his best to appear comforting, pleasantly surprised as Charlie’s fingers intertwined with his, his expression hopeful as he nodded his head. 

“It’s okay.” He whispered. “Well, it’s not okay, but it’s okay that it’s not okay.” He felt like he was rambling, he couldn’t think. He was holding Alex Standall’s hand. “I’m sorry that sounds so weird, do you get what I mean?” 

“No, no, I totally get it.” Alex reassured, his own eyes locking with Charlie’s sad ones. “I wish I could be okay with not being okay.” He huffed inaudibly, shaking his head at the mere thought of it. He was permanently broken, and he knew Charlie understood that.

“Hey, hey.” Charlie quickly intervened, turning to face him as he grabbed his other hand. “You will be.” He insisted, pursing his lips as the pair locked eyes. “You deserve to be happy Alex, you know that right?” 

Alex shook his head, gazing down at their hands, now gently intertwined, their knees touching, their breaths both hitching as they sat comfortably in silence. They were staring at each other, Charlie consumed by Alex’s calming blue orbs in their soft and comforting setting.

“Do you think there really is such a thing as a wonderful life?” Alex cast his eyes back on the screen, he felt shy, the moment they had just shared felt intense.

“I think so, yeah.” Charlie’s heart shined with positivity, his back relaxing against the sofa as they felt the strength of the cookies start to take effect. “I think it’s more about the moments, and making sure you seize them.” His words prompted Alex to turn his head back towards him, his gaze mirroring Charlie’s as he looked from his lips to his beautiful blues. 

He was beautiful, bright and hopeful like a breath of fresh air.

“Seize the moment hey?” Alex mumbled, swallowing the tension in his throat. He watched Charlie bite his lip, the boy’s breathing slightly heavier, his heart quickened as their faces naturally grew closer, Charlie’s breath warm on Alex’s cheek. 

“Seize the moment.” Charlie whispered, his hand looping itself around Alex’s cheek, caressing it slightly as their foreheads gently touched. Alex felt the electricity, the way the world suddenly seemed so small, as if he and Charlie were the only characters in it. He leaned forward, tentatively pressing his lips to Charlie’s, his nerves fading as Charlie kissed back, a sweetly simple moment as their tongues twisted together as if they were a jigsaw puzzle, the first piece placed in the creation of a new picture.

A picture Alex could see so brightly.

As a gentle kiss turned into the make out session both the boys had been hoping for, they failed to notice Tony, the modern day Cupid, peaking through the slit of the door. 

“Not so much of an unhelpful Yoda now, am I?” He chuckled to himself, a smile forming as he finally saw the boys happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually like the idea of Alex and Tony’s friendship. We deffo saw a hint of it as they would work out together in the show!! Thank you for the support so far, love you all!! Keep requests coming in!!


	7. The Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request from @ChalexTeam - Charlie supports Alex when he takes the HIV test.

Of course it was raining. Alex watched the droplets hit his bedroom window almost melodically, the pathetic fallacy ironic as the grey skies surrounded him. It had been a week since Justin’s funeral, and today was the day he was being tested for HIV, a day he had been dreading since he found out about Justin’s diagnosis.

He knew he should have called the clinic earlier, weeks ago even, but both him and Jess wanted to focus on Justin in his last days, their own health not on their mind.

It was 5:45am. Alex couldn’t have slept for more than an hour, and decided to end his constant stream of tossing and turning by watching the sunrise from his house’s porch. He took a final look at his beautiful Charlie, the boy currently spread out starfish amongst his sheets, an almost inaudible snore crackling through his lips. Alex’s lips curled, his eyes softening as he pressed a kiss to his messy hair before silently leaving the room.

A sunrise in Evergreen was positively beautiful, even in the rain. Alex always found peace in it, even on his darkest days. It signified new beginnings, new chances to live life to the fullest. Two things Alex tried so hard to do. If his near death experience had taught him anything, it was that he had been given a second chance, a second chance to prove to not only Hannah, but also Justin that he could be a good person, if not for himself, but for them. 

He cupped his coffee in his hand, allowing it’s steam to warm his face as he looked up at the sky. He was terrified, but oddly calm about the day ahead. He didn’t feel alone anymore, and that had changed everything for him. No matter what the results were, he knew he had Charlie to fight just another battle by his side.

“You’ve got your overthinking face on.” Charlie whispered, chuckling softly as Alex flinched, turning around to see his boyfriend stood before him, wrapped in his fluffy grey blanket.

“What are you doing awake?” Alex breathed, patting the step he was sat on, motioning Charlie to join him. “It’s like six in the morning Charles.”

“I can’t sleep without you by my side.” Charlie blushed, pressing a kiss to Alex’s hair as he leaned over him. “Plus, I thought you must be freezing just in your sweats, so I brought you a blanket and a bear hug.” The younger boy giggled draping the blanket over Alex’s thin frame before wrapping his arms around the back of him. “No matter what happens today, it’s all going to be okay Lex.” 

Alex relaxed back into Charlie’s embrace, his hand moving up to intertwine itself between the boy’s fingers. “I know, I know, it’s just scary you know?” He hummed, accepting gratefully as Charlie stroked back his hair in comfort. “Thank you for doing this with me.” He smiled, squeezing his hand. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“What are boyfriends for?” Charlie winked as he replied, cuddling his boy tighter as he felt Alex shiver. “You’re freezing baby, lets get you back inside.” He mothered, standing so he could hover over him, arms outstretched.

“No we’re not doing that.” Alex rolled his eyes, placing his empty cup on the step. “We’re not doing monkey.” He shook his head as he giggled, his face flushing. 

“You love monkey, admit it Standall.” Charlie teased, making another funny smirk at him. “Go onnn.” To that adorable face Alex gave in, proceeding to jump up into Charlie’s embrace, looping his arms around his neck whilst wrapping his legs around his waist, content and snuggly as he buried his head into Charlie’s chest as he carried him upstairs.

Charlie was right, he did love monkey.  
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“Okay, so we need a blood sample from each of you, and a swab around the back of the mouth.” The doctor explained, his expression calming as Alex proceeded to hold Jessica’s hand. “We’re going to have someone come down now and draw some blood from you both, and then we’ll get the ball rolling.” He left the pair sitting in one of the clinic bays with a swab each and a tiny zip lock bag with their names on it.

“Try not to worry Alex.” Jess smiled, gently swabbing the back of her cheek. “Justin was super cautious when it came to using protection, and so were we, so I’m sure this is just a safety precaution, just incase.” She saw the smaller boy nod, eventually slowing his breathing down.

Charlie had to admit he felt slightly awkward sitting next to the pair and listening to their past sex life details, but he knew Jess was now Alex’s closest and dearest friend, one he also thought of as a big sister. With that in mind he relaxed, happy they had each other for this moment.

“Alex Standall.” A nurse wearing at least 12 bobby pins appeared from behind a curtain, a warm smile gracing her lips as she walked towards him. “Do you want to come with me for your blood test?” She motioned to a small doctors office in the clinic, Alex nodding sheepishly as he followed her forward. 

“I’ll be right here, don’t worry.” Charlie mouthed, nodding in reassurance as Alex looked back. He knew the smaller boy hated having his blood drawn, even if he had become so used to it after his TBI.

“You two are so sweet.” Jess mumbled, leaning her head on Charlie’s shoulder. “He’s super lucky to have you.” She admitted, twiddling her thumbs in a panic. “I wish I had someone here with me.” She gulped sadly.

“You know Justin would have been right by your side if he could.” Charlie sighed. “But, although he could never be replaced, I’m here for both Alex and you, no matter what.” He took her into his embrace, kissing her curly hair in comfort.

“Sweet, sweet Charlie St. George.” She whispered. “Our little blessing in jock disguise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I found this one interesting to write as I was also confused why they left Alex out of the testing scene. Just a fluffy interpretation of what might have happened!


	8. Relapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Multiple requests: Alex relapses and Charlie is right by his side. (Trigger Warning)

Okay, so there’s been a lot of Chalex fluff recently and some people are asking me to go a little darker into Alex’s depression, as it’s certainly not something that is solved over night, or when you’re in love, it is still common to have relapses. So there’s a trigger warning for this chapter in advance for mentions of depression/suicide. Stay safe before you read, always ❤️  
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(In this oneshot Tyler attends Berkeley with Alex)  
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It had been a week since Charlie had received a phone call from Alex, a week without his sarcastically sweet voice and his exciting college stories, ones that made Charlie smile, taking comfort in the fact his boyfriend was living his best life, happy and content.

Of course Charlie had tried to reach him numerous times, calling, texting, video calling each time he saw him appear online. It was no use. His boy had gone from his chatty confidant to radio silence. The most he had received since a rainy Friday last week was a text, 4 words that broke Charlie’s heart, and left him terrified at the same time.

“Need space. Love you.” 

Charlie had spent hours looking at it, rereading it as he overthought all the possibilities. The text was a product of juxtaposition, the initial sentence signalling a break up was imminent, and the last words sweet and meaningful, as if his Alex was still there. Something wasn’t right, he could feel the dread anchoring hard in his stomach. 

He had to admit that he had been a shell of himself for the week, absent mindedly attending practice with a blank stare on his face, his eyes constantly on his phone at the earliest convenience. He wished to hear anything, just a word from his boyfriend to know he was okay, even if it was a break up.

At first he had been dead set on rushing over to the campus, banging on his dorm door until he saw his his face, his beautiful face. But that idea had gone out the window when Zach and Jessica had warned him off, simply suggesting that this was just a part of Alex, his distance an often occurrence, even if it was the first time Charlie had experienced it. 

It wasn’t until 9pm that night, that he really and truly became worried, not just for his relationship, but for his boyfriend’s life.

“Hey?” Charlie answered apprehensively, his brow furrowed as he saw Tyler’s contact pop up on his phone screen. He knew the boys were together at College, something he was thankful for as they had each other to lean on when being away from home was too much. Charlie liked Tyler, he was kind and gentle, a good friend for Alex to have.

“Hey Charlie, I think you need to drive down here.” Tyler fretted, his voice shaky as he breathed down the phone. “I’m worried about Alex man, he’s not turned up to any lectures today, and he’s not answering his door.” Tyler was audibly stressed, his quaky tone hitting a nerve with Charlie as he jumped up from his desk.

“I’m coming Ty, I’m coming right now.” Charlie dropped his revision notes, the dread pit in his stomach widening as his heart began to race. “Don’t worry, I’ll be there as soon as I can, keep trying to reach him okay?” Charlie was visibly panicking, tears welling. He loved Alex, and right now his heart was in his mouth.

“I-I’ll keep trying.” Tyler breathed anxiously. “Just hurry Charlie, he’ll talk to you.”   
.  
.  
“Alex?” Charlie knocked for the 50th time, his head pressed against his boyfriend’s dorm door in a slumped and anxious mess. “Alex baby, open up please.” He begged, his nervous glare shooting Tyler’s way as the pair stood screaming the boy’s name.

“Do you think we should call the warden, you know to force the door?” Tyler panicked, biting his nails in worry as Charlie banged again. “Charlie, with his past, what if he’s-“

“He wouldn’t okay. He wouldn’t.” Charlie snapped, his breathing quickening as he shook his head. “He’s in a good place Ty, he wouldn’t do that to me, to his parents, he just wouldn’t.” 

“ALEX!?” Charlie screamed, bashing the door with his fist. “This isn’t funny anymore, open the fucking door.” He was crying, his face flushed with angry tears as Tyler bit his lip, pulling out his phone with a shaky grip.

“I’m calling them.” Tyler huffed, turning to walk down the hall, his own body frigid as his mind raced with possibilities. Charlie could only reply with a nod of defeat, slumping to sit down, back by the door.

All he could hear was silence, a deathly silence.

Within minutes there was a large man at the door, his hands in his pockets as he fumbled for the master keys to open it. Charlie clung to Tyler’s arm, the pair of them teary eyed as they stood back. This had to be a misunderstanding, Alex would be fine.

As the door swung open, Charlie let go, pushing past the warden to step into a messy room, filled with old food packets, dirty clothes and a bed spread hanging off the bed. This wasn’t like Alex, he was tidy, a clean freak even. At first the space appeared empty, his eyes desperately scanning for answers as Tyler rushed into the bathroom. 

“CHARLIE!” Tyler wailed, his instantaneous sobs pulling Charlie towards him. “QUICK!” He screamed.

Charlie’s eyes were wide, his breath hitching as he saw the sight before him. He was met with the sight of the man he loved sprawled out on the floor, his face deathly pale and his eyes solemnly closed. He was curled up, his hand wrapped around one final bottle of pills, his tear tracks more than prominent down his face. His whole body was shaking, sweating.

Overdose.

"Alex, oh my god oh my god." Charlie pushed through and knelt down, his breathing quickening as Tyler held his head, the warden on the phone to the ambulance. "W-What have you done to y-yourself." He felt like sobbing at the sight of his boyfriend’s sad and worn down expression, but proceeded to fall into protection mode as he rolled him onto his side, cradling his cold and fragile figure.

"T-Tell them to hurry." Tyler breathed, gently holding Alex’s hand. He looked like a little boy, and his heart broke to see him so helpless. He looked at Charlie holding him close to his chest, stifling tears as he begged him to pull through.

He couldn’t understand why, why would he do this to himself?

"Please baby talk to me, come on I'm here now." Charlie hugged him close, burying his face into his chest. "Your parents wouldn't want this, p-please Alex." He gripped his hand and kissed it, desperately trying to warm him up. Tyler had found a blanket from his bed and began draping it over his shoulders. 

"C-Charlie." Alex slowly began to open his eyes, his head spinning, his body cold and shivering. He began to fidget weakly, and hazily stared up into his boyfriend’s eyes. “Mmm s-sorry"

"Alex baby, hey it's okay, it's okay, stay awake for me okay, just hang on." Charlie was crying now, his grip on the frail boy tighter as he drifted in and out of consciousness. "I'm here, I've got you now, I've got you." 

He hummed in response, his eyes threatening to role back once again.

“I love you lex, it’s gonna be okay.” He breathed shakily, brushing back his messy mop of golden hair. “My sweet little Lex, w-why would you d-do this to yourself.” He sniffed, his thumb soothingly caressing his cheek.

"C-Charlie, I-m sorry C-Charlie." He muttered, his teeth chattering between his short breaths. "M-my f-fault." 

"No no Lex, it's not your fault, come on keep talking to me." Charlie begged, shaking him slightly as his eyes closed again. "Please baby, stay with us for me, come on, help is nearly here, we can fix this, we can fix this.” He whispered, his fingers gently squeezing his hand. “Alex?”

He shook him again.

“ALEX?”

No avail.

“ALEX?”

Unconscious.

"Paramedics are here." The warden called, rushing to let them in as a crowd formed outside the dorm, Tyler stepping back in a shaky mess.

"You're going to be okay now, it'll all be okay." Charlie whispered as he failed to hold back his sobs any longer, holding him close as if it was the last time he’d ever hold him. "Don't die, please don't die." 

" I-I l-love y-you."   
.  
.  
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He was sleeping.

He had been sedated just over 2 hours ago, and was currently on a mental health ward, a place that Charlie St. George wasn't used to calling home.

He had finally been allowed to see him, only second to his parents who were currently talking to the doctor. It had been an overdose of his antidepressants, as ironic as it sounded, the doctors confirming that if he hadn’t been found when he was, the outcome would have been much more severe.

Tyler was in the waiting room, a shell of himself as he sat in shock, comforted by Zach and Jessica as they anxiously waited for news on his condition. 

Charlie didn't know how long he had cried, but his eyes stung and his heart hurt. There was so much Alex had kept in, so many things he had hid in a bid not to worry him. He felt as if he’d let him down, as if he should have known his boyfriend was this unhappy. Charlie had never known what true hurting was like, not like Alex did. 

Charlie desperately tried to imagine what his boy was thinking of, or what he wasn’t thinking of as he made the fatal decision. With his history he knew it was a risk, but Alex was finally coming round to the idea of life, the idea of happiness, and Charlie felt confused, angry even, that he’d throw it all away.

He watched his boyfriend as he slept peacefully, tucked under the covers of what looked like an uncomfortable bed. He reached over to brush back his hair, kissing the little bump on his forehead. He looked so fragile tonight, as if he were a child again. He needed him, and he swore he would never leave him again. He needed help when it got bad. He couldn't be alone anymore. Charlie was so scared of losing him again that he didn't realise his grip was tightening on his fingers, his tears dripping on his arm. He loved him too much, but could you really love someone back to life?

He could see the sedation beginning to wear off. Alex would fidget now and again, tugging slightly on his finger, as he held his hand. Charlie smiled as he began to stir, soothingly stroking back his hair. He was okay, physically at least.

"Alex?" He whispered, rousing him from his slumber. He began to sluggishly peal open his lids, and suddenly Charlie was faced with a pair of ocean blue eyes, a confused expression crossing them.

He was completely unfocused.

"Alex baby, you're okay. You're in the hospital sweetie." He cooed, trying to soothe his panic. His hand was shaking as it grew warm, and he fidgeted again, waking himself up.

"Mum?" He whispered, gripping his fingers. "Dad?" He was muttering, blind in a state of partial unconsciousness.

"It's Charlie." He whispered, pulling his hand gently away from the canula he was trying to rip out. He looked agitated, confused. Sedation was good at making you groggy.

"I'm here. Calm down Lex, everything's alright now." He brought his hand to his lips, kissing their intertwined fingers. Charlie watched as he slowly pushed himself up against the pillows, suddenly accustomed to the scene around him.

"W-what happened?" He questioned, rocking slightly against the bed frame. He seemed anxious still, restless even. But he was in a better state now, more alert at least.

"You took an overdose Lex, we had to sedate you to stop you from harming yourself baby." He tried to speak softly, understanding that he was very fragile in the moment. He could see his eyes dart around the room, and he clutched the scrunched up piece of bedding in his fingers.

He was freaking out.

"Alex, it's okay. I'm here. You're going to be alright." Charlie moved from his chair onto the bed, taking a seat behind him. He pulled him into his embrace, letting him lay against his chest. He fidgeted like a child with nerves, and his whimpering broke Charlie’s heart.

"Alex, shhh, keep breathing deeply for me." It broke his heart to see him cry, and he held him closer than ever. "You're safe now, you're safe."

"T-This isn't what I w-wanted." He whimpered, sniffing softly as he took a deep breath. "I've hurt you, I-ve h-hurt m-myself, I'm s-sorry s-so sorry I just can't-" He progressed into full blown sobs, Charlie’s jumper taking the brink of the break down. He cradled his shaking figure and gently shushed him as he cried.

"Don't apologise, it's okay, it's all going to be okay." 

"Stop saying that!" He shouted, pulling from his embrace. "How a-am I ever going to b-be okay again?" He whimpered beginning to breathe heavily. Thoughts swirled in his head and he was suddenly too hot, he felt numb but angry. “I-It’s never going t-to get better.” He sniffed, his expression defeated, eyes sunken as if he’d already given up.

"Alex whatever happens, I'm going to get you help and I will never leave you." Charlie tried to put on his best comforting smile, but cracked at the sight of the fragile boy's tears. 

"I-I just feel like I don’t deserve to be happy." Alex muttered, his sniffles rapid and painful. “I-I keep t-trying, f-for you, for mum and dad, but I’m so tired, s-so tired.” He didn't know what to do anymore, he felt suffocated, trapped in a world that was drained of colour. He was tired of seeing everything in black and white.

"Oh Alex." Charlie brought him into a hug once again kissing the side of his cheek. He couldn't help but cry again, he had been numb for so long, Charlie was kicking himself, how did he not notice.

"I-It’s not y-you, you’re p-perfect, I’m s-sorry I’m so broken, I-I’m so sorry" He whimpered, his eyes fixated on the ceiling, tears sliding from their corners. “You d-deserve better C-Charlie.” He choked.

"Never say that Lex, you can’t help this okay, you’re not broken, and I’m not going anywhere." He took his hand and smiled as his boyfriend held it tightly. Maybe he was ready to accept support. "I know it might be hard, but maybe you could learn to trust me with your real feelings Lex, let me help you through this, let me be your safety net." He spoke softly in an attempt to comfort. “I know depression is something you have to overcome yourself, but know that it’s not a battle you have to fight alone.”

"M-my safety n-net." Alex mumbled, his eyes hopeful. 

"Your safety net." Charlie smiled.

"I just need you to promise to be open with me, and never do something like this again" his tears threatened to fall, but he had to stay strong for Alex. “I love you Lex, and you not being here would break me, shatter me. You deserve to be alive, you deserve the chance to be happy okay?” 

"Y-You m-make me h-happy." He mumbled. His breathing slowing as he laid into Charlie’s embrace. "Charlie?"

"Yes?" He breathed.

"Please h-help me?" He stuttered, gulping as his gaze from the ceiling fell. He stared his boyfriend dead in the eyes, a hopeful tear falling from his cheek. For the first moment since his attempt he felt grateful to have made it out alive, even if there was a way to go.

He couldn’t hide his struggles anymore, not just for his own good, but for Charlie’s too. He wanted to be happy again, no matter how long it took.

Charlie finally let his tears fall, his hands cupping his boyfriend’s chin. "Always." He breathed. “Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this was heavy to write. I’ve suffered with depression so I tried to make it clear that even though Alex loves Charlie, depression can still make you feel alone. I tried my best with this so I hope it’s okay! Gonna go and write some fluff to cheer me up. Wedding or proposal fic?


	9. The Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Multiple requests - Alex finally decides its time to propose to Charlie.

They had been dating for five years. Five years of laughs, cries and everything in between. Five years that Alex Standall looked on with the fondest memories, his lips curling as he played with Charlie’s golden locks. They were laying in bed in their small but cosy one bedroom flat, Charlie cocooned under Alex’s chin, slumbering in preparation for their flight back to California in the morning. 

They had moved to New York two years ago in order for Charlie to follow his footballing dream. He had been scouted at University by the New York Giants, Alex’s heart leaping as his boyfriend got the news he had worked so hard for. He didn’t need persuading to up and move from Evergreen, a fresh start proving to be the best thing for both of them. After all, Charlie’s dreams were Alex’s dreams. Seeing his boy happy was like a drug, something he couldn’t get enough of. 

Alex would do anything to show Charlie how much he meant to him, he owed the boy his happiness, he owed the boy his life. In fact, Alex couldn’t see life without him. He pictured a world painted in black and white, drained of colour without Charlie by his side. He felt embarrassed just thinking about it, but his world revolved around his boyfriend, even if he hated to let it show. After all, Alex was the sarcastic one, at least one of them had to be.

He wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with this boy, his urge failing to wait any longer as he had begun to plan one of the most important moments of his life. He had spent the last month making phone calls, buying an abundance of string lights and note cards from the internet, all while hatching the perfect distraction to render Charlie oblivious, oblivious that his whole life was about to change.

Alex hated large gestures, it made his anxiety flare, his face often flushing, eyes looking away as he saw the soppy romance films with their grand gestures of love. If he was alone he’d turn them off, faking a throw up sound in reaction. But he saw the way Charlie would smile at them, welling up, completely and utterly fixated on ‘the fairytale ending’ something he deserved, and that Alex planned to give him, no matter how he felt about them.

The plan was set in place, and if all went to plan the pair would be engaged in less than 24 hours. Alex just prayed he’d say yes.

The idea was to fly back to his hometown for the weekend, his true plan for the trip hidden in a velvet box, stuffed at the bottom of his suitcase. He had made up a dumb story to cover, his dad in on it as the now retired deputy invited the pair over for a ‘family meal’.

The flight was in 6 hours, and as Charlie got his last bit of slumber, completely oblivious, Alex laid awake nervous, his eyes on the ceiling as he gripped his boyfriend’s limp hand. “It’ll be worth it.” He whispered to himself, smiling down at Charlie’s sleeping form. “It’ll all be worth it.”

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“Hello Charlie darling, how are you?” Carolyn Standall beamed as she welcomed the pair into the house. She pulled the younger boy into a tight squeeze before pulling back to cup her son’s cheeks in her hands. “Hey sweetie, I’ve missed you.” She hummed, shaking her head as Alex rolled his eyes at her over affection.

“I saw you like 3 weeks ago mum.” He tutted, earning a glare from Charlie as his mum’s face dropped slightly. He shook his head, pulling her into a hug as she brushed back his hair. “Missed you too mum.” He smiled lovingly.

“Now kiddos who fancies steak!?” The pair nodded in unison as Alex’s dad appeared with a comical apron and a spatula. “You’ve got to see my new grill Charlie.” He motioned for the boy to follow him into the kitchen, leaving Alex stood on the doorstep with his mum.

“The plan is all in place.” Carolyn winked, resting her hand on her boy’s shoulder. “I’m so proud of you baby, he’ll make the perfect husband for you.” She cooed. Alex could only reply with a nod. His eyes thick with nerves, his stomach in bits.

It was nearly time.

.

.

“Thank you Mr and Mrs Standall, that was lovely.” Charlie smiled, still cutting into his final piece of beef. “What is the plan this evening?” Alex stared his dad in the eyes, motioning for him to play his part, so he could make the perfect exit. The only problem was, they had failed to discuss how Alex would leave the house, at least without looking suspicious.

Bill quickly registered, pulling an interactive board game from under the table, earning a glare of confusion from his son. “I thought we could play this as a family.” He suggested, motioning for Peter to open the box. “I do think it needs batteries though, I’m not sure if we have any?”

At this point Alex could have mentally face palmed, this had to be the most ridiculously obvious exit ever.

Nevertheless, he played along. “Hey, how about I drive round to the corner shop and pick some up?” Alex smiled, pulling away from the table as he fumbled in his pocket for his keys. “Want me to come with you?” Charlie replied, standing to follow.

“No no, you’ve gotta stay here with me St.George, we’ve got to discuss football tactics for your next big game.” Peter chuckled, placing a friendly pat on his shoulder. “Always best to have a sport talk while Lex is out of the house.” He joked, earning a middle finger from his younger brother.

“I won’t be long baby.” Alex pressed a kiss to Charlie’s head before walking to leave. His heart was in his mouth, he could feel the nerves building. Gosh this was hard.

.

.

“He’s been nearly an hour now, do you think he’s okay?” Charlie had begun to panic after 45 minutes passed, his conversation with Peter ending at least 20 minutes ago. He was constantly checking his phone. What if something had happened?

“I’m sure he’s okay sweetie, traffic can be bad in our area.” Carolyn reassured, placing a cup of tea in front of him. She was desperately trying to distract him, nodding at her husband as he slipped out the back door, Alex’s best suit in hand.

Not even a second later Charlie felt his phone buzz in his Jean pocket, pulling it out to see the face he’d been missing flashing on the screen.

“Hey Lex, where are you?” He spoke quickly, his protective nature lacing his words. “Is everything okay? You’ve been ages!” He said, eyes widening in confusion as he saw Carolyn and Peter begin to grin.

“Can you remember how you asked me to prom?” Alex hummed softly, earning an apprehensive “yes” from his boyfriend.

“I spent days trying to ask you, pulling all sorts of grand gestures until you finally said yes in that math cupboard I decorated.” Charlie giggled as he reminisced, still overthinking the current conversation’s relevance, but enjoying the memory nevertheless.

“Where are you Lex? What’s going on?”

“Well, I seem to have gotten lost on my way home, I’m up near the school.” Alex began to giggle over the phone. “You’ll have to come and find me St.George.” He ordered cheekily, biting his lip as he heard his boyfriend’s breath hitch in confusion.

“I love you.” Was the last thing he said before hanging up the phone, both his fingers and toes crossed as the plan began to fall into motion.

“Here’s your coat Charlie, I suppose you’ll have to go and get him.” Carolyn was beaming like a child, and it was at that point Charlie realised something was happening. He just wasn’t sure what. As he went to step onto the porch, the dark night sky an the bitterness of the February evening hit him as he looked down to pull his zip to his neck.

He walked down the steps absent mindedly, his eyes widening as he looked up to see Jessica stood in his path.

“Jess?” Charlie beamed, pulling her into a hug. “What are you doing here?” She had moved to San Francisco, what was she doing here on Alex Standall’s driveway? As she pulled away she appeared teary eyed, holding a smile as she silently handed him a note.

_Your ability to make me smile, even on my darkest days - A_

Charlie’s eyes instantly welled, what was this? He recognised his boyfriend’s messy hand writing, and felt his heart melt at the sentiment.

“Follow me.” Jess motioned, taking the younger boy’s shaky hand. She smiled as she watched him audibly gasp, his eyes widening as he saw what was once the dark street, now littered with little tea lights, creating a path that led towards Liberty. “We’re gonna do this together Charlie, you ready?”

“I-Im so confused.” Charlie couldn’t believe his eyes, this was so pretty. “Y-Yes let’s find him.”

His eyes were welling, tears pricking as they began to make their way along the path. They hadn’t gone far before they found Tony, stood smirking as he outstretched his arms to pull Charlie into a hug.

“Here’s your second letter St. George.” He winked, handing him yet another note.

_The way you still make me breakfast in bed every Sunday morning, even after a hard night of training. - A_

Charlie giggled, pocketing the note as he continued up the hill. His eyes were fixated on the little tea lights, his heart fluttering with both nerves and excitement as he saw yet another figure in the distance.

Clay Jensen.

“Hey man.” He smiled, pulling away from another hug as he was given note number three.

_The way you use your cheeky confidence to make me feel better about myself when I’m being insecure. - A_

He walked further to find Tyler at the top of the hill, the final home stretch as they begun to approach the school.

_The way you stand by me, even when I don’t deserve it. -A_

“You always deserve it.” Charlie mumbled under his breath, gripping tighter onto Jessica’s arm as they headed towards the school car park, a tall figure walking to greet them, brandishing another note and a teary smile.

Zach Dempsey. Alex’s best friend, one who had become like a brother to the both of them.

“Thank you for putting the light back in his eyes.” Zach sniffed, pulling Charlie into a hug. “I love you man, now go and get him okay?” He handed him the carefully wrapped note, embracing Jessica as Charlie pulled away to read it.

_Charlie,_

_These are just some of the reasons I love you, there are so many more that are impossible to put into words. You are my beacon, my light and my hope that there is good in this world. You’re my comforting embrace on a rainy day, and the only person able to pull me from my darkest depths. You have allowed me to_ _see a black and white world in bright colour, painting me a picture of a future that looks blissful, filled with happiness, and a love that I know will never fade. I’ve never been the soppy type, but over the last few years you have made me believe that fairytales really do happen. You are my fairytale Charlie. Now let’s start the next chapter of our story. If you still want to find me, go to the place you spent ages decorating with prop candles_ _and string lights. I’ll be waiting there, always._

_I love you._

_Alex x_

Charlie felt his tears fall as he walked towards the school doors, his hands shaking, the note pressed up against his chest as if he wanted those words close to him. He couldn’t believe what was happening, his heart racing 100 miles an hour. Alex was right, this did feel like a fairytale.

As he entered what he thought would be the dark corridors of the school he hadn’t been in in 4 years, he found his path still lit with the same prop candles he’d used for their promposal, his eyes glazed with shock as he saw pictures of the pair of them stuck to various lockers, string lights hanging from them, a warm and comforting amber colour.

When had Alex done this? How had Alex done this. He was gobsmacked, teary eyed as he saw pictures of all of their memories, spread out like small bursts of happiness.

As he reached the final corridor, he was greeted with one final figure before he entered the math room. Bill Standall was stood with one more note, tears in his eyes, his friendly arms outstretched. He walked forward, embracing Charlie and kissing the top of his head.

“Thank you.” He sniffed, desperately holding back his tears. “Thank you for saving my son’s life.” He started to break down, gently holding out his hand to shake Charlie’s, before placing a note in the boy’s clammy grip.

_You saved my life, and for that I am forever grateful. -A_

“Go on Son.” Bill motioned, patting the boy’s back as he hesitantly opened the math cupboard door, revealing hundreds of small candles littering the table to the floor, accompanied by string lights hanging from the ceiling, falling to sit around the one thing he cared most about in that room.

Alex.

Charlie walked forward, already crying as he saw his boy in a suit, stood before him with a teary smile, hands outstretched for Charlie to hold on to.

“Hey.” He whispered, intertwining their fingers. “Hey.” The younger boy replied, pushing forward to peck him on the lips.

“Lex this is so beautiful.” He whimpered, desperately trying to hold it together as Alex began to gently fall onto one knee, smiling gratefully as Charlie helped him down.

“Charlie, I thought it was only right to do this in the place it all started, in our home town. But standing here today I’ve realised that it doesn’t matter where I am in the world, you are my home and I never thought I’d find that in a person.” 

Alex took a deep breath, fumbling in his pocket for a small velvet box, one he pulled out and opened as Charlie let out a small inaudible gasp.

“Charles Hayden Brixton St. George, will you marry me?” It was at this point Alex broke down, tears falling as he saw Charlie nod, his hands flying to his mouth as he stood lost for words.

“Y-Yes.” He whimpered, pulling his now fiancé up into a standing position as he shakily held out his hand. He smiled through his tears as Alex placed the most beautiful ring on his finger, his hand gently caressing his cheek. “100 times yes.” He sniffed allowing himself to fall into Alex’s embrace.

“I love you so much Lex, you have no idea.” Charlie whispered as they held the hug, Charlie’s eyes glistening as he pulled back to look into his fiancé’s baby blues.

“So, now do you believe in fairytales?” 

“You are my fairytale.” Alex whispered, smiling down as they intertwined their fingers. “And I plan to never let go of it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh so there you go! The wedding will be soon, but I have a few more requests to write up first! Leave wedding song/narrative ideas in the comments and you may see them in there 😉 x


	10. Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request from @13RWTeam : Part two to Alex’s relapse, where Charlie looks after him and lets him know that some things are worth fighting for.

It had been a month. 4 weeks of crying, no sleep and constant worry as Charlie waited for Alex to be released from the mental health facility. His boyfriend had been admitted under caution after his history spiked concern for not only his doctors, but his parents, suggesting that an inpatient approach was the safest in this moment. Charlie couldn’t help but picture Alex’s face as he was told, his eyes quickly watering, his face flushed with anger as he fought against the decision.

Being isolated was hell for Alex. Charlie knew an inpatient facility would be torture for him. The younger boy hadn’t slept, his mind constantly swimming as he thought of his boyfriend alone in a strangely sterile room, constantly watched as if he were a crazy person. Charlie wanted nothing more than to break in and get him, protect him and look after him until he felt no more pain. His eyes welled, his hand pressed against his forehead and he sighed in frustration. Looking after Alex was exactly what he had been trying to do for the past year, and this is where it had gotten him, sobbing at 3am, while his boyfriend plummeted into a darker hole of depression. Charlie had tried so hard to take it away, but could you really love someone back to life?

Alex needed help, and as much as Charlie hated to admit it, the facility was the safest place for him right now. It was the only thing that had put Bill and Carolyn Standall’s minds to rest, knowing that their son was getting the help he needed, even if he did hate them for it. 

Charlie had visited twice, the visitation rights restrictive as Alex continued to recover. The older boy had gotten thinner with the stress, his eyes panda like and sunken as he refused to sleep and eat in a protest. He had barely spoken to his counsellors, and point blank avoided group therapy, playing the TBI card more than a few times. 

Bill called Charlie frequently to update him on his son’s condition, each day sounding more defeated as Alex had still refused to see his parents. His hostility towards them was breaking the pair, and Charlie aimed to put it right, his new goal to convince his boyfriend to come around to the idea of treatment when he next saw him.

In fact, that day was drawing closer, proving to be the reason Charlie was tossing and turning in bed, his pillow wet with anxious tears. Alex had been granted a day release, choosing to spend it with Charlie only, defiant as his parents offered to take him out. As much as it broke Charlie’s heart to see him reject them, he was excited to see him for longer than 30 minutes, determined to make it a stress free day for the pair of them. He had to swallow back his nerves, for he didn’t know how to act around him. His boy looked fragile, and Charlie didn’t want to make things worse than they already were. Alex was his boyfriend, but he felt as if he were walking in egg shells around him.

He closed his eyes, shook his nerves away and let the darkness envelop him. He was seeing Alex tomorrow, and that was all that mattered.  
.  
.  
“Hi, I’m here to pick up Alex Standall for a day release.” Charlie tried his best smile with the receptionist the next day, his fingers nervously tapping the desk as she cross checked the system. 

“Yes sir, take a seat, I’ll let the warden know you’ve arrived.” The woman smiled, gently pointing to a gloomy looking waiting area, littered with pointless quotes about living life to the fullest. Charlie found them ridiculously ironic, as if they would fix anything that people in this place were going through.

After what seemed like the longest ten minutes of his life, he looked up from his phone to see his boyfriend, anxiously standing before him, his face brighter today as he smiled softly. His gaze was on the floor as he nervously twiddled his thumbs, but tentatively walked forward as Charlie stood to embrace him.

“Hey baby I missed you.” Charlie beamed, holding back his tears as he saw what was now a frail figure as he hugged him close, his hands resting on his cheeks as he pulled back to get a better look at him. “You ready to get out of this hell hole for a few hours?” He giggled encouragingly.

For the first time in weeks, Alex let out an inaudible chuckle, rolling his eyes as the tension began to fade. “You could take me to literal hell right now, and it’d still be more fun than this place.” He joked darkly, taking a wobbly breath and a final look back at the place as Charlie motioned to the door. 

“Come on Lex, should we go?” As the younger boy turned to leave he saw his boyfriend grow slightly anxious, shaky even. He quickly realised he hadn’t been in the outside world for over a month, and it had definitely taken toll on his anxiety. “Wanna hold my hand?” 

Charlie smiled sadly as he saw Alex nod, quickly clasping his hand and intertwining their fingers. He could feel him cling on for support, and walked him gently outside.

“W-What’s the plan then?” Alex asked shakily as they climbed into Charlie’s car. “I can’t go too far.” He breathed, earning a look of concern from Charlie as he began to pull out of the car park. He nodded, resting one hand on Alex’s as he drove away in attempt to calm him.

“Don’t worry Lex, we’re just going down the road, I have a little surprise for you in the back of the car.” Charlie winked, handing his boyfriend his phone and an aux cord in order to choose some music. Music had always calmed Alex, and the older boy’s eyes lit up as he scrolled through Charlie’s playlists. 

“I’m sure it’ll be great, no matter what we do.” Alex smiled. “I’m just glad I’m with you right now, I feel, I feel kinda normal for the first time in weeks.”

“Normal is overrated Lex.” Charlie pressed a kiss to his hand. “I’m glad to be with you too.”   
.  
.  
Charlie’s surprise was a picnic, and a beautiful one at that, made up of complete junk food that Alex had been desperately craving. He’d fallen to skin and bone in the facility, and Charlie couldn’t help but smile as he saw him tuck into a homemade burger and sweet potato fries.

They were in a park, one that overlooked a large portion of Evergreen, up high enough so that the town below looked small and insignificant. Charlie wanted Alex to feel on top of the world, even if it was just physically. 

“Thank you Charles, you don’t know how much I’ve missed your burgers.” Alex hummed, wiping his lips with a napkin as Charlie gazed across at him. He couldn’t find any words to say, he’d just been staring at Alex as he tucked into the spread of food. He focused on his eyes, desperately trying to read them, desperately trying to gage how his boyfriend was currently feeling. He sometimes felt as if he didn’t know him at all, or as if he should have known him well enough to see the signs.

How could he be a good boyfriend if he didn’t know the boy he loved was that unhappy.

“Charlie?” Alex waved a hand in front of him. “Earth to Cookies?” His brow furrowed as he saw his boyfriend’s eyes water slightly, suddenly placing his food down to rest his hands on Charlie’s. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked tentatively.

Had he done something wrong? Said something he shouldn’t have? Of course he had, he always fucked everything up. 

“How did I not know.” Charlie whispered shakily. “How could I not know you were this unhappy?” He sighed, closing his eyes as he felt a tear fall. He felt Alex take his hand, pulling his fingers up to his mouth and placing a peck on them. Charlie opened his eyes to see his baby blues glistening with tears, and instantly kicked himself for bringing it up.

“You couldn’t have known.” Alex stated, shuffling to sit closer to the boy as they twisted to face each other. “I’m good at hiding things, especially my depression, which by the way is not or never will be your fault. As much as I feel on top of the world when I’m by your side, it’ll always be there no matter how much you or anyone else loves me.” 

Charlie was visibly upset, drying his tears on the side of his jacket. He could see the pain in his boyfriend’s eyes, and desperately wanted to take it away.

“I-I just don’t wanna l-lose you.” The younger boy sniffed, earning a a sigh from Alex as he gulped back the lump in his throat. “W-When I found you there, y-you know, your eyes, I couldn’t see your eyes, and I wasn’t ready to n-never see them a-again.” He pushed his head between his legs, burying his face away from Alex as he sobbed.

“C-Charlie I’m so sorry.” Alex had begun to cry, his body beginning to shake as he once again fought his demons. He only caused pain. He was the reason Charlie was upset. He was a burden. He shook it away the best he could, his hand moving to stroke his boyfriend’s hair. “I-I’m so sorry I did what I did, I regret it, I‘ll never do that to you again.” He whimpered, earning a look of concern from Charlie as he rose his head.

“Can you promise that though? Are you sure you wouldn’t? I love you Lex, but I can’t read you, and I need to know when you’re not okay, because this can’t happen again.” Charlie looked serious, letting out a calming breath as Alex silently nodded, drying his own tears. “I need you to know one thing.” He gulped, taking his hands in his. “I know I can’t fix you, but you need to believe that talking about this stuff doesn’t make you weak or a burden. I’d rather face your lowest lows by your side, than from a hospital waiting room, terrified that I’ll never get to see you again.” 

Alex teared again, his head telling him for the first time in months that he could trust Charlie with this stuff, even if it did feel like his world was imploding. 

“I just have this voice, this stupid voice that tells me that I’m this worthless burden who deserves to feel like this.” Alex explained. “No matter what I do, or however happy I feel, it is always overshadowed by this sinking feeling, this constant dread that I’ll never feel okay. It’s almost as if I don’t know what okay even feels like anymore.” He watched Charlie nod in reassurance, encouraging him to go on. 

“I know you want to fix this, and it kills me to see you so upset, but you have to accept that this will always be a part of me.” Alex resented his own words, he wished it wasn’t true, but he was right, this was never going to leave him. “W-What if this feeling n-never goes a-away?” He felt himself breakdown this time, his body falling limply as he bent over in tears. “I-I don’t w-want to do this t-to you, y-you s-shouldn’t be this m-miserable. He was choking back harsh sobs. He couldn’t cope, this was too much.

“Oh, Lex, baby, c’mere.” Charlie pulled him into his embrace, stroking his back, his arms wrapped tightly around him in an attempt to calm him down. “Im not miserable baby, you make me the happiest man alive.” Charlie cooed, shushing his boyfriend’s whimpers. “This is a part of you, not all of you. No matter what, you shouldn’t let it confine or define you. I love all parts of you okay, not just the good ones.”

Alex pulled away, a shaky smile forming. “Y-You’re right.” He croaked to Charlie’s surprise. “I-I don’t want this to d-define my life anymore.” Charlie watched his boyfriend shiver, quickly placing his own coat around his figure.

“Then you have taken the first steps already to making sure that won’t happen. I know these past four weeks have been dreadful, but it’s a start Lex, and I’m so bloody proud of you.” Charlie saw Alex smile, his baby blue orbs shining for the first time in weeks, giving Charlie the hope that maybe things would be okay. “Let’s take this one step at a time, the first one being getting you back to where you need to be right now.” He smiled sadly as Alex agreed, hugging closer into his embrace. “You will beat this Lex, it isn’t forever okay?”

“I don’t deserve you.” Alex hummed softly, pressing a kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek. 

“Oh Alex, if only you knew how much you do deserve.” Charlie sighed, ruffling his hair as he pressed a kiss back on his forehead. “I hope that one day you realise that you deserve the world Alex Standall, the world and more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of the support!! ❤️ Keep leaving requests, I’m getting round to them all as quick as I can 😊 x


	11. The Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is fluff central. Clue is in the title!

Being with Charlie St. George was like magic. The butterflies took permanent residence in Alex’s stomach, his cheeks tired too often from smiling so much. His life felt as if it suddenly had meaning again, as if his path was no longer dark, but lit brightly with happy memories, his future like a beacon of hope, calling out to him as he continued to walk forward. Being with Charlie St. George was a real life fairytale, a soppy story Alex hated to admit he was a part of, but the pair really did have movie love. It was blinding, deafening and all consuming, the kind of love that Alex believed he once didn’t deserve.

As he stood hunched over the mirror, his shaky hands looping his button perfectly into his suit jacket, he shook that feeling away. Today was a day where he’d let his happiness win, his heart flutter, and his mind relax. Today was his wedding day, and underneath his nervous demeanour and worrisome eyes, he planned to enjoy it.

This was just the beginning of the fairytale, not the end.

“Well don’t you look handsome.” He turned to face Jessica, her expression soft and emotional as she entered the hotel room. His groom party had spent the night in the venue, keeping up with tradition, as both Alex and Charlie vowed to stay apart until the wedding.

If he was being honest with himself, Alex had regretted that decision, his anxiety now at an all time high, exasperated by the fact that his calming crutch wasn’t their to ground him. He let out a nervous chuckle, gulping back the lump in his throat as he saw his best friend approach him, arms flailing outwards for a hug.

“You look beautiful Jess.” He whispered, falling into her embrace, as she brushed down his fluffy hair with her fingertips. “I’m shitting myself Jess, I don’t know if I can do all of this.” He pulled away, letting out a wobbly sigh. “I-In front of all those people.” 

“Hey, hey, Alex you’ve got this okay?” Jess placed her hands on his shoulders, squeezing them as she mimicked calming breath sounds. “When you’re up there you’ll forget about everyone else.” She reassured. “Just focus on Charlie. Look into his eyes and think about the rest of your life.” She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead, her hands cupping his dainty cheeks.

“I’m so proud of you Lex.” She added, earning a grateful nod from someone she now thought of as a brother. “After everything you’ve been through, all the shit life has thrown at us, you deserve this day Alex, you deserve to be happy okay?” She felt herself well up, smiling sadly as she wiped a stray tear from Alex’s face. “Let’s go and get him Lex.” She beamed, holding her arm out for him to loop.

This was it. He was about to get married. He felt as if he was going to laugh, cry and throw up all in one second. All he could picture were Charlie’s eyes, those beautiful blues waiting for him at the alter. He could do this.

He barely registered his mum, dad and his best man, Zach, running up to meet him as the pair reached the lobby of the hotel. In fact he could see half of his family piled into the foye, all beginning to make their way outside to the gardens, a quaint little venue made up of white wood chairs, pastel coloured flowers and a sculptured alter, littered with tiny green leaves. It was understated, natural but beautiful. Perfect in Alex’s opinion.

“Oh my baby boy, you look so beautiful.” He was pulled from his thoughts as his mother embraced him, her tears desperately trying to not soak his suit jacket as Bill joined the pair of them, his hand comfortingly on his son’s shoulder. “You ready for this son?” He smiled calmly, his voice soothing Alex as he relaxed into his father’s embrace. “We’ll be here all the way, there’s no need to be nervous.” 

“That’s easy for you to say Mr Standall.” Zach chuckled, shooting a cheeky wink at his friend over his dad’s shoulder. “You’re not the one signing your life away to St. George.” He teased, walking forward to loop his arms around Alex’s shaky shoulders. 

“In all seriousness though man, I’m so proud of you.” Zach appeared serious for the first time in at least a year, and Alex couldn’t reply with anything but a nervous nod. “I love you bro.” He ruffled his hair, placing a sloppy kiss to the side of his head.

“ZACHH.” Jessica slapped his hand, swatting it away from Alex as she desperately combed his hair back into place with her fingers. “Don’t mess up his hair, god I spent ages doing it earlier.” She scolded. 

Alex laughed, his nerves fading slightly as he rolled his eyes. “She’s right, stood there stressing over it for approximately 40 minutes.” He joked. “Still looks the bloody same.” He covered his mouth with his hand, jokingly whispering to Zach as Jess linked arms with Carolyn, motioning for Zach to follow as they headed for the gardens. 

They were both a bridesmaid and a groomsman in the ceremony, alongside Alex’s brother Peter, Tyler and Estella, Zach’s little sister Mae, and Luke, the one other Liberty Tiger that had become Charlie’s best man. Alex watched them line up at the door, shooting a curl of the lips to the rest of the groom party who looked back at him excitedly. He watched them begin to file out down towards the aisle, arms looped, the boys in deep purple suits, the girls in white dresses. Charlie had thought it would be ironic to dress the bridesmaids up in the bridal colour, since neither of there were planning on wearing a dress down the aisle.

“Time to go son.” Alex felt his dad loop his arm in his, walking him carefully to the door. His anxious expression was plastered across his face, easily noticed by his father who turned to look at him one final time as they stood behind the closed doors. “I’m so proud of you, you know that right?” He pressed a light kiss to his son’s forehead, Alex struggling to stifle back his impending tears, his watery smile genuine as he nodded.

“You know, they are the cuff links I wore the day I married your mum.” He pursed his lips in reminiscence, smiling down at his son’s grey coloured suit, purple handkerchief and his silver cuff links. “And they have been worn during every good memory in my life since. The birth of you and your brother, your graduation, Charlie’s first big game with the New York Giants, and now today.” The older man could feel himself well, gently brushing his finger over the silver. “From today on, I want you to keep them, so they can bring you as much luck and happiness as they brought me. You deserve all the happiness in the world Alex, I hope you know that.” He sniffed, chuckling softly as he watched his son nod, glassy eyed, his gaze suddenly making contact with his dad. “I love you.” 

“I love you too dad.” Alex choked, sucking in a deep breath as he squeezed his hand tight. He could hear the band play, it was time. “Let’s do this.” 

As the doors swung open, Alex felt himself grow giddy with excitement. The sun shone beautifully on the flowers laid along the aisle, the seats beside it full with the likes of Tony and Caleb, Clay, Ani, almost the entire class of the 2020 Liberty Tigers, and not to forget over half of the New York Giants team, people that his brother Peter was currently fangirling about. 

He didn’t care about any of that though. All he could see in that moment was Charlie. Charlie St. George. His best friend, his rock, his person, stood valiantly under the altar, his hands nervously interlinked, his gaze fixated on Alex’s shaky smile. In that moment, the dread pit in Alex’s stomach was replaced by fluttering butterflies, his heart swelling as he began to walk towards his man.

In that moment, surrounded by sweet melodies, his friends and family, and his fiancé’s beautiful eyes, he felt infinite.  
.  
.  
“Now for the reading of the vows.” The vicar nodded encouragingly at Charlie, the younger boy now fumbling in his jacket pocket for a crumpled note, unfolding it with an unsteady grip as he gulped back the lingering lump in his throat. 

He felt himself take Alex’s hand, massaging it in an attempt to relax the both of them as he began to read. 

“Alex, when I met you for the first time I felt my heart both stop and shatter in unison. Your eyes instantly took my breath away, they looked so kind, so honest and innocent, that I was captivated by their beauty. I always remembered asking myself why someone with the purest heart and the kindest soul couldn’t be kind to himself, and that thought broke me. I vowed to myself that day that I would make it my mission to allow you to see yourself the way I see you, both selfless and beautiful. As we stand here today, I hope you know not just how much I love you, but how much everyone here loves you. You’re the reason I want to wake up in the morning, and the person I look forward to coming home to at night. You make me a better person Lex, and I hope that one day you’ll treat yourself with as much kindness as you treat me with. Until then, I vow to be your rose tinted life goggles, your protector and your sunshine on a rainy day. You’re my person, and I still have to pinch myself each day when I wake up and realise I’m yours. Our love is infinite Alex, a fairytale that I’m sure will never end. You’re my everything and more, and I can’t wait to begin the rest of our lives together.” 

Charlie could feel himself grow flushed red and trembly. He smiled through a watery wall of tears as he gripped Alex’s hand tighter, the older boy desperately trying to keep it together as he heard Jessica and Zach falling apart behind him.

“I love you.” Alex mouthed, teary eyed as he fumbled for his own crumpled note, hidden in his inside pocket.

Charlie’s speech was beautiful, his heart fluttering with every damn word. How the hell could he top that. 

Nevertheless he took a deep breath, clearing his throat as he smiled up at Charlie, his soon to he husband who was already a mess before he’d even said the first word. He let out an anxious and inaudible chuckle as he begun.

“Charlie, after everything we have been through, it's hard to put it all into words. I have sat over this piece of paper for many hours, trying to come up with something perfect enough to say. But that's the problem, it's not possible. No one is perfect, and no one ever will be. The days we spend trying to censor ourselves, hide ourselves, will be the days we never get back, and though I'm not always happy with myself, I'm happier being me than anyone else. I'm happy with not being perfect, because I have you, and that's as close as perfect gets. 

I never thought that I would find love. I didn’t think I deserved it, let alone knew what it would ever truly feel like. That's why I was so shocked, so shocked when I saw you. My mind couldn't process my emotions anymore, my heart fluttered when you were around. Let's just say, I hated to call you my best friend.

I fell in love the first time I saw you. I fell in love with the way your eyes shone when you laughed. I fell in love with the way you liked the smell of fresh Avocados and eggs in the morning. I fell in love with the small things. The way time seemed to slow when I was by your side, and the loud and horrible thoughts in my head silenced when I thought of you. You were my anchor, the one who finally pulled me onto the shore when I was convinced my fate was to be swallowed up in my own self hatred. You not only taught me to love you, but you taught me to love myself, and although I’m not quite there yet, you make me a better person every day.

So that day all those years ago, when I confessed my love for you whilst dancing to our favourite song, was the day I knew my life finally had a direction, a meaning. I love you Charlie, and I have never been more grateful to be a-alive and in y-your a-arms.”

He stuttered at the end, his eyes watering as he finished. Charlie had no words, nothing that could top his amazing speech. He wanted to hug him, but his legs felt like jelly. Alex’s words overpowered him, his heart no longer beating rapidly, but now too quickly to process. He stared into his beautiful blues, a salty tear now running down his cheek.

How could he say there was no such thing as perfection. Maybe because he was perfection. Charlie managed to shuffle towards his shaky figure embracing him as Alex buried his head into the crook of his neck. He sobbed into his jet black suit jacket, and regardless of others watching, he pulled back and kissed him passionately on the lips. Alex smirked through giddy tears and kissed back.  
.  
.  
“Do you Alex Standall take Charlie Hayden Brixton St. George to be your lawfully wedded husband?” 

There was the question he had been waiting for. His stomach turned, the atmosphere silent and tense as his family and friends awaited his response. He closed his eyes, opening them to gaze directly into Charlie’s innocent orbs, his eyes a beautiful view Alex couldn’t wait to wake up to every day for the rest of his life. In that moment he could only say two words.

“I do.”

“And do you, Charlie Hayden Brixton St. George, take Alex Standall to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

Charlie felt terrified, his heart in his mouth as he could feel hundreds of eyes on him. He felt Alex squeeze his hands in reassurance, his mind suddenly calming as he began to focus on him. Suddenly the world felt small again as if everyone had disappeared. Alex wasn’t just his love, he was his safety blanket; one he vowed to never leave in that moment.

“I do.”

“By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you legally married.” The vicar beamed, chuckling softly in glee as the crowd began to erupt. Alex could hear Jessica screaming, his parents sobbing and clapping as Charlie leaned forward to cup his tear stained cheeks. “You may seal the marriage with a kiss.” The lady motioned, stepping back as the boys locked lips, their foreheads touching, their fingers intertwining. 

As they stood hand in hand, sweet music surrounding them, their friends cheering, their eyes shining with happy tears, they knew the fairytale was yet to end, in fact their story had only just begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so that was the soppiest thing I’ve ever written, gonna head back to the angst now haha x


	12. A Bad Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Mia make a return as Alex and Charlie deal with a bad day.

It was 6am when Charlie heard a knock on the bedroom door, his sleepy head pressing itself further into his husband’s body as he looped his arm around his still figure. 

“L-Lex, you awake? The kids are at the door.” Charlie’s groggy hum turned into a mumble as he picked his head up from the pillow, pressing a kiss to Alex’s hair. With that he heard the door creak open, tranquility broken as both Mia and Jack piled into the room.

“Daddy, Daddy!!” Mia chimed, pushing herself up onto the bed and into Charlie’s arms. He watched as Jack instinctively went to the other side of the bed, frowning as his other dad was still sound asleep.

“Morning my beautiful babies.” Charlie smiled as his little girl buried her golden locks in the crook of his neck, before shooting a cheeky wink at Jack who was tugging at Alex’s arm. 

“Why isn’t daddy Alex awake?” Jack pouted, climbing onto the right side of the bed and snuggling himself into Alex’s figure. 

“Jack sweetie, let him sleep, we got back very late last night, we talked about how sometimes daddy Alex needs a bit more rest haven’t we?” Charlie leaned across the bed to scoop up his son, pressing a kiss to his forehead as he joined Mia in his arms.

Jack and Mia had been with a babysitter the past two days, allowing Charlie and Alex to spend time with Alex’s Dad, the man currently in the hospital. After receiving a triple bypass surgery, Alex had insisted that the both of them stayed at the hospital, constantly by his side in case the worse happened. Neither of them had had more than 3 hours sleep in the past 48 hours, rendering Alex weaker than usual, his TBI taking effect. 

As Jack nodded against Charlie’s chest, Charlie felt Alex move, smiling as he turned over to face him, his eyes still shut, his lips parted as he went to speak. 

“I’m awake, I’m awake.” He mumbled, chuckling inaudibly as he pushed his eyes open to see Jack leaping onto him, Mia following as she shuffled over the bed. He opened up his arms, looping them around the pair as he lifted his head to look at Charlie. “Morning my little loves.” He whispered, sluggishly playing with Mia’s golden curls. 

He watched Charlie mouth “Are you okay?” His husband’s brow furrowed with concern, as he pushed his hair back with his hands. Alex rolled his eyes, nodding his head as he pushed himself up against his pillow. 

“Who is ready for some breakkie?” He conjured a tone of excitement from his exhausted demeanour, grinning through his banging headache as the kids jumped up, tugging on his arm and requesting pancakes just a little too loudly. “Alright, alright kiddos, give us 10 minutes and we’ll be right down.” Alex pressed a kiss to both of their heads, letting out a long awaited sigh as they ran down the corridor. 

“Baby, are you okay?” Charlie rolled over, pulling Alex’s tiny frame into a comforting hug. “Why don’t you get a few more hours while I sort breakfast for the kids?” He suggested, concerned as Alex groaned, shaking his head against his chest. “I’ve not got to be at work for two hours, come on Lex, you don’t look well.” Charlie protested, letting out a sigh of defeat as Alex pulled away, pulling back the covers as he shakily stood. 

“M’fine Charlie.” He muttered, limping against his stiff leg as he plodded to the bathroom. 

He wasn’t fine, not in the slightest, and Charlie had never been more annoyed that he had work on a Saturday, leaving his husband to take care of two over energetic five year olds.  
.  
.  
“Aunty Jess look theres a duck!” Mia chirped, running towards the river. She pulled Jack in toe, motioning for Alex to pass them the stale bread he was currently cradling in his hand. He giggled sarcastically at his daughter’s excitement, but kneeled down to pass her a slice anyway, his heart undoubtedly swelling with awe as she threw little chunks into the water.

“Never in a million years would I have put you down as such an adorable sappy father.” Jessica teased, looping her arm around her friend. She giggled as she watched the twins play together on the embankment, before turning her focus back on Alex, the boy who was currently completing zoned out.

“Yo, Alex, I make a sarcastic comment and I get no snarky reply, something must be up?” She joked, lightly ruffling his hair. She stopped as she felt him grimace, pulling away from her grip. “Lex, you good?” 

She didn’t want to admit it to him, but Charlie had called her to come over and give his husband a hand for the day, concerned as always as Alex refused any kind of help on his bad days. There were very few of them, but sometimes stress and exhaustion could bring them on. 

“J-Just a headache.” Alex stuttered, gazing sluggishly at the floor. “I just can’t stop thinking about my dad, laying there covered in tubes and what not, I feel like I should be by his side.” He admitted, earring a sympathetic nod in response. Jessica went to comfort him, when she heard Mia shouting from the bottom of the embankment. 

“Daddy, Daddy come look, he wants more bread.” She wailed, Jack joining in as they pined for him. “Daddy come quick they are swimming away!” Jack bellowed, prompting Alex to drag himself away from his thoughts as he went to push his body up from a sitting position. Jess noticed the struggle on his face, he looked ghastly and exhausted, a sight that broke her heart a little.

“Here, let me go down there, sit here and take a break okay?” She wore a stern maternal expression, placing a friendly hand on Alex’s shoulder as she snatched the bag of bread from his grip. For the first time in a long time, Alex agreed without hesitation, nodding weakly as he went to rest his spinning head on his knees. He didn’t feel well at all.

“Look at that one, he’s a mallard duck because he has green feathers on his head.” Jess kneeled next to Mia as she rambled on, placing chunks of white bread in her hand to throw into the water. The boys were right, she was utterly obsessed with ducks, and all animals to be honest. It was an adorable trait, one that didn’t fail to put a smile on Jessica’s face. 

She looked over her shoulder at Jack who was making his way back up the pathway towards Alex who still had his head hanging in his hands. “I’m going to sit with Daddy for a bit.” He gestured quietly. He was the more perceptive of the two when it came to reading situations. At the young age of five, he already knew when his dad needed a hug, waddling up to the top of the embankment to snuggle into his arms. 

As ten minutes passed Jessica had begun to daydream, legs stretched out across the grass by the river as Mia continued to talk to her feathered friends. She gazed at her golden ringlets and her bubbly nature, hoping that she’d one day have a little girl of her own, one she could teach to be strong and outspoken, rather like herself.

“JESSICA!” She was thrown back into reality when she heard Jack screaming from the top of the hill, his scream suddenly turning into a cry as he shouted again for her help. “DADDY’S SHAKING!?” 

Jessica’s head shot behind her at the comment, her eyes widening as she saw the situation forming above her. She rushed to her feet, dropping the stale bread to the floor as both her and Mia ran to the top of the embankment.

“ALEX?” She panicked, falling to beside his rigid figure as it spasmed, his body sprawled across the floor, eyes screwed shut in agony as Mia and Jack stood back, frightened by the sight before them. Jessica looked back to see the pair crying, gently begging them to calm down as she proceeded to take care of her friend.

"It's okay Alex, everything will be okay." She was speaking more to herself, anxiously timing the beginning of the seizure as she pulled out her phone, clumsily hitting Charlie’s number in the contact list and throwing it to the floor. “Keep breathing sweetie, it’ll be over in a minute.” She proceeded to roll him the best she could onto his side, shaking off her jacket to place under his head. 

She had only dealt with one of his seizures before and that had been over ten years ago, shortly after Justin’s death. They were very uncommon, but happened when he was overworked or stressed. Charlie had been right, this was a very bad day.

“Charlie, come quick, to the park, it’s Alex, he’s fitting.” Jessica had never spoken so quickly, her voice nervous and breathy as she tried her best to not only help Alex, but watch the children as they continued to sob. Charlie wasn’t far away, he was on his way home from work, but she begged he was yet to pass the park in his car so he could swing in and help them out.

“What? God, is he okay Jess?” Charlie’s heart dropped, his grip on the wheel suddenly tightening as he flawed his gas pedal. “I’m five minutes away, make sure you’re timing it Jess.” 

Jessica could only nod, glancing quickly at the timer on her watch, eyes widening as she swallowed back the lump in her throat.

3 minutes.

They never lasted this long for Alex. Jessica tapped her watch again to reconfirm, careful not to hold her friend down. His body spasmodically jolted, and an involuntary whine left his lips. His shoulders had arched and his head flung itself to the side. Thank god for the soft grass. He looked ill, a tinge of pale blue as his airways remained blocked by oncoming saliva.

4 minutes.

Jessica was getting more worried, ignoring the glances she received from passers by, her line of vision constantly switching between her friend and his children who were bundled together, staring down at their father, who looked helpless, something no child should see. She saw the spasms calm slightly, but continued to stare at his eyes, the white's of them flickering violently, still in a tonic clonic state.

“Hey, guys why don’t you see how many people you can count walking past.” Jessica was desperate for them to stop crying, her heart breaking slightly as Jack went to kneel beside his dad, trying to hold on to his hand. 

“Is he going to die?” Jack hiccuped, his face red and snotty, his lip trembling as he looked up, terrified, at Jess. 

“N-No no, baby he’s going to be just fine.” She tapped her watch again. Five minutes. She let out and anxious breath, before ushering the younger boy back. “You keep focusing on counting all the people okay?” She shot him a comforting smile as he shakily nodded, turning away to join his sister.

“Jess, Jess!” Jessica had never been so relieved to see Charlie’s face as he ran towards her, his work bag flying against his shoulder, his face red and anxious. She watched the kids bolt to him screaming, but ushered him quickly to his husband who still continued to seize. “How long Jess? How long has he been seizing?” He crouched beside Alex, brushing back his now sweaty mop of hair before checking his pulse with his fingers. 

“Six minutes at least.” Jessica panicked, biting her nails as she shuffled back towards Mia and Jack. “Should I call an ambulance?” She questioned, defiantly holding back her sobs as she stared at her friend’s blue tinged lips. 

“I think he’s coming out of it, get ready to call them just in case though.” Charlie curled his lips as he felt Alex calm against him, his methodic spasms slowing to weak jolts. “Alex baby can you hear me?” He spoke softly, massaging his temple to stimulate him. “You’re doing really well Lex, keep breathing for me, thats it.”

Alex finally stilled, groggily opening his eyes as his body fell limp. He felt like he had been hit by a truck. He didn’t know where he was or what had happened, but he had no strength to fight back as he was pulled into his husband’s lap, suddenly covered by a coat or something. His vision was blurry, he couldn’t speak. He needed water, he was so thirsty.

He could hear people taking around him, but fell straight back into darkness, comforted as his husband stroked his hair.

A few minutes in, his eyes fluttered once again, his arm lazily waving about. He weakly tried to push himself up, but was reacquainted with the ground quickly, Charlie’s hand gently manoeuvring him down. 

"He wants to get up Charlie." Jessica questioned, still holding the kids in each arm as they fought against her to get to their father.

"He's not out of it yet, I know what I'm doing." He sounded frustrated, but that was because he was scared. Alex was usually back to normal by now. "Sweetie?" He watched his eyes open, a hazy daze covering his pupils. Alex reached out and found his hand in Charlie’s. He couldn't talk yet, everything felt funny.

"Daddy?" Jack pined, his tears stifling as he saw his dad’s eyes open, he wanted to hug him but Jessica held him back, pressing a kiss to his golden locks. “Daddy’s a little poorly right now, so we’re gonna give Charlie some space with him okay?” Jessica warned, her brow furrowing in confusion as Alex rose his hand to his neck, a finger touching his mouth. 

"Water?" Charlie guessed, seeing the usual sign Alex would preform. "It's coming darling, I just need to make sure you're okay first. Can you say my name? What's my name?" 

Alex was mute, his mouth opened and slurred, saliva dripping from his lip. Charlie wiped it with his jacket, fretting as he closed his eyes.

It took a full 10 minutes for Alex to fully come round. It was as if the long seizure had really impacted him this time. His processing seemed slow and slurred, his head dizzy, his mind foggy.

He couldn't move well. 

"Wanna go home.” Alex whispered, finally sat up against Charlie. Jess had taken the kids to the car, instructed by Charlie to drive it up the park path and collect the pair of them. “H-Head hurts.” He stuttered, leaning into his chest, eyes fluttering open and shut. 

“Don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll have you home as soon as we can okay?” He massaged his achey arms, continuing to hold his water bottle to Alex’s mouth so he could take tiny sips. “I knew something was wrong.” He sighed to himself.  
.  
.  
It had been three hours since the fit and Alex was now soundly sleeping in his bed. Jessica had come back with them, offering to look after Mia and Jack as Charlie settled him, giving him his prescribed Ativan so he wouldn’t fit again.

“How is he?” Jessica looked up from Mia’s doll set as the pair of them played, quickly eyeing Charlie concerningly as he let out an anxious sigh of relief. 

“He’s asleep.” He smiled, taking a seat on the floor to sit between both Mia and Jessica. Mia had calmed down, and was now more interested in her toys rather than Charlie’s conversation. Charlie chuckled slightly at her before turning back to a nervous Jess. “He’s not had a fit in at least five years, I could tell something wasn’t right this morning, he’s been under so much stress in the last few days.” 

“He’s going to be okay though right?” Jessica bit her lip, earning a reassuring nod from Charlie. “He’s going to feel very crap for the next 24 hours, but I’ll look after him, don’t worry.” Charlie hummed, his attention back on his little girl.

“Where’s Jack?” He questioned, looking around what appeared to be an empty living room. 

“He was making a get well soon card for Alex, bless him, and said he needed to get some glue.” Jessica replied, her expression warm with awe.

“But the glue is down here, he’s-“ Charlie’s eyes widened, head shaking as he pulled himself up from the floor in a chuckle. “That little sneaker, I know where he is.”   
.  
.  
Jack opened the door to Alex’s room as gently as he could, tightly gripping his get well soon card and his favourite stuffed teddy, the one that always helped him calm down when he had a tantrum.

He needed to see his dad, he had to know he was alright.

“Daddy?” Jack questioned as he shuffled towards the bed. “Daddy can you hear me?” He whimpered, tugging on his fingers. “D-Daddy?” 

Alex could feel himself being pulled away from dream world. His body aching, his head fuzzy and pounding. He felt like he could sleep for a week, but the sound of his son’s panicked voice instantly roused him from his slumber.

“Baby.” He cooed, opening his groggy eyes as he leaned over to comfort his boy. “Hey, little one, what’s with the tears.” He whispered. He didn’t have enough strength to do much else, but tried his best to look okay for him.

“I-I made you this.” Jack hiccuped, drying his anxious tears. He watched hopefully as Alex took the card from his grip, a small curl of the lips forming as he stared at the picture Jack had drawn of the both of them. 

“Oh baby, it’s beautiful, c’mere.” Alex motioned for Jack to climb onto the bed, pulling back the sheets as his son fell into his arms, snuggling into the crook of his neck. Alex felt too ill to move, but tried his best to place a kiss on his head. 

“A-Are you going to die daddy?” Jack whimpered once again, hugging Alex’s chest just that little bit tighter. “You said if you had me and Mia you’d always be okay?” He cried, earning a small tut from Alex.

“Hey, hey, hey, baby listen, I’m not going to die for a very long time okay?” He closed his eyes from exhaustion, allowing Jack to further snuggle into the crook of his neck. “Just a little bit poorly baby, that’s all.” He felt Jack nod against him before rising to grab his bear from the side of him.

“You can have teddy to make you all better.” Jack chimed, allowing the fluffy thing to lay beside them both. “He always makes me feel better when I’m sick.” He giggled, earning a breathy chuckle from his father.

“Thank you baby, I’ll hold him tight.” Alex whispered, unable to fight the urge to sleep any longer. “I love you Jackky.” He mumbled, nuzzling into his golden curls.

As Charlie and Jessica ran up the stairs, Charlie prepared himself to pull his son from the door, desperately wanting his husband to get his rest. He knew the pair of them were inseparable, but he wanted Alex to recover, not parent.

As they pushed the door open, Charlie had to hold in his smitten gasp. He was graced with the sight of his five year old sound asleep against his husband’s chest, Alex also deep in slumber as he had his arms wrapped around his little figure, his hands limply clasping Jack’s teddy bear.

“That is definitely going in the scrapbook.” Jessica beamed, pulling out her phone to snap a shot of the pair of them all cuddled up. She gazed up at Charlie, the boy who was teary eyed as he leant against the door frame. “What is it?” Jess questioned, wiping his fallen tear with her thumb. 

“I just love my family.” He smiled lovingly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was an interesting one to write, but it combined like 4 different requests!! ❤️


	13. The Breakup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Charlie and Alex break up everyone is busy worrying about Alex. What if it is Charlie they should worry about this time?

A/N: For this one shot there is a trigger warning. Also, for the purpose of this one, only Alex knows that Charlie’s mother died.  
.  
.  
It had been a messy break up. Tears and harsh words that both boys regretted. Alex had sunk further into depression, pushing Charlie away as always, this time in a more permanent way as he insisted they broke their two year relationship up. He couldn’t deal with the constant guilt, the constant dread pool anchoring in his stomach every time Charlie continued to put his life on hold to help him through ‘another bad day’. He felt as if he was holding him back, dragging him down with him. Charlie St. George deserved more, he was far too much of a happy person to constantly feel sad. Or at least that is what Alex thought.

It had been two weeks since the split, both boys struggling as they slowly cut each other out of their lives. Charlie had tried constantly to check on Alex, make sure he was okay. He went from friend to friend, stressing that it was important that he wasn’t alone, that he had a support system constantly around him. That was just the person Charlie was. He cared much more about Alex than he did himself. 

As Charlie wished, he made his way around the neighbourhood each day, a small smile forming as he saw Jessica by Alex’s side on a sunny Tuesday, Zach the next day as he proceeded to take his friend out for a milkshake. He remembered the dreary Thursday last week when he saw Tyler and Tony walking him comfortingly out of the gym, hands on his shaky shoulders, his eyes red with tears, face as white as a ghost. Like Charlie, he wasn’t coping, but at least he had people around him, the one and only reason Charlie could rest easy at night.

Alex was safe. That was all that mattered. 

Charlie felt a painful tear fall to his pillow as he begged to dream of his boy’s baby blue’s just one more time. His head couldn’t stop swimming. He had never felt more alone. It was in that moment that he thought for the first time in forever that life might not be worth living. He scrunched his eyes shut, shaking the feeling away, his mind too loud, his body tired and achy. 

“D-Don’t think like that.” He soothed himself, his hands pressed into his eyes as he hiccuped back the inevitable sobs. In that moment he thought of his mother. He could feel her embracing him as he drifted off to sleep in a tear stricken mess. He felt as if she was all he had left right now, and she wasn’t even real. 

Alex was safe. That was all that mattered.  
.  
.  
By week three Alex felt slightly better. He had cried himself out, into the shoulders of each and every one of his and Charlie’s friends. He wondered if Charlie had been the same, constantly surrounded by endless food dates, long walks and friends to laugh and cry with. His heart swelled each morning as he received texts from Jess and Zach, constantly checking up on him, inviting him to all sorts of hang outs. He felt as if they were trying to take his mind off of his inevitable sadness, and for once he allowed their comfort, sure that Charlie was doing the same.

He couldn’t stop thinking about him, his expression dropping slightly as he squeezed his pillow just a little tighter, his eyes closed, his arms instinctively looping themselves around it as if it was his boyfriend. He missed his touch, his constant encouragement, his cheeky smile. God he still hoped he was smiling. Charlie St. George without his smile was a stranger. Alex couldn’t bare the thought of his potential sadness. 

In that moment he was sure he’d done the right thing. Charlie would be happier without him in the long run. That was all that mattered. 

*Knock* *Knock*

“Hey sleepyhead, your mum let me in.” Jessica leaned against the door frame, her lips curled concerningly as she saw Alex emerge from his covers, bed hair and streaky cheeks. “Wanna grab some breakfast Lex?” She smiled sadly, sitting at the edge of the boy’s bed as she rubbed small circles into his back. “Pancakes are on me?” 

Alex tutted, giggling through his tears as he sat up, nodding as he rolled his eyes. “You’re too nice to me Jess.” He scoffed, pulling the covers back. “But you know me well enough to know I would never turn down pancakes.” 

As the pair reached Monéts, they took the same seats as they always did, at Hannah’s table of course, the one place they vowed to share their darkest secrets, their lowest lows and highest highs. They had been here a lot recently, the tiny table sat amongst the decking acting as a safe space for Alex to let it all out. Jessica would sit, milkshake in hand, nodding comfortingly as Alex got upset, her thumb tracing circles in his palm as he struggled to calm down. Emotions were something Alex struggled to control since his TBI, and Jess made sure to keep him calm, anything too prevent a full meltdown.

Today seemed different. Alex seemed stronger as he tucked into his pancake stack, and for the first time in three weeks Jess had managed to finish her strawberry milkshake without one tear at the table. As she looked up she saw Alex gazing off into the distance, zoned out as his eyes fixed on the cafe door.

“What you thinking about?” She questioned, waving her hand across his face to get his attention. 

“Charlie” he whispered woefully, a sigh gracing his lips as his head hung down, his gaze now fixated on his hands, fumbling in his lap. “He has got people around him right? Have you seen him recently?” 

“We did try at the beginning.” Jess gulped, pulling Alex’s hands away from each other as he pressed his nails into his palms. “But every time we approached him, he’d send us right back to you, protesting that he was fine.” 

“I don’t get it, so you’re telling me he’s been completely alone for the past three weeks?” Alex began to fret, worrisome tears pricking at his eyes. This wasn’t like Charlie, he hated to be alone. “What about the football team?” He panicked. “When did you last speak to him?”

“This morning.” Jessica fumbled through her bag, pulling out her phone and scrolling for Charlie’s contact. “He said something about going to see his mum?” 

Alex’s breath hitched. His heart skipped a beat, and he quickly grabbed Jessica’s phone to scroll through the messages.

J: Hey how are u? ☺️

C: Fine. How’s Alex?

J: He’s doing a lot better now. Wanna hang out this week?

C: Thx for the offer Jess, but I’m leaving today.

J: leaving? 

C: I’m going to be with my mum. 

J: Okay, well enjoy yourself and lemme know when you’re home so we can hang!!

C: Look after Alex, tell him I’ll always love him.

J: He already knows, don’t worry I’ve got him Cookies ❤️

C: Thx for everything x

Alex’s eyes widened, his breaths short and sharp as he shakily rose from the table, nearly knocking its contents into Jessica’s lap as he snatched his coat.

“Alex what the fuck?” Jessica turned to see his red rimmed eyes and ghastly white face. Something wasn’t right. “Lex, are you feeling okay?” She grabbed his arm as he pulled away, standing to steady him. “Alex?”

“Charlie’s mum died when he was thirteen.” 

“But, but he said-“

“Yeah I saw what he said.” Alex screamed, pulling harshly away from her grip. “Now do you see why I’m worried?” He let his tears fall freely, his mind spinning, begging to think of the place where he would have gone. Come on Alex. Think Alex. He could feel his breath quickening with each thought. 

The Crestmont hill.

“Y-You don’t think he’s going to do something stupid?” Jessica looked visibly upset, her grip on Alex’s shirt falling limp as he pressed his hand to his mouth to stifle a sob.

“J-Just follow me, I-I know where he might be.” Alex didn’t dare think about what could be happening, or what thoughts were running through his ex-boyfriend’s head. He had never been on this side before, the side that he had put his friends and family on countless times. 

This is what it felt like. The pang of dread in his stomach, the constant overthinking, his heart crumbling as the pair ran towards Jessica’s car.

He had to be okay. The boy he loved had to be okay.  
.  
.  
The Crestmont hill was a special place for Charlie. The one place where he would go whenever he felt lost, overwhelmed by the world spinning around him. He had taken Alex there on their third date, setting a blanket out across the summit, a bowl full of chocolate covered strawberries and a pretty sunset in front of them. Alex remembered that night well, his eyes softening as he reminisced over their conversation, the main topic Charlie’s mum’s ashes, which he revealed were scattered from the top of the hill. Alex remembered holding his hand for the first time as a tear rolled down his rosey cheeks. 

Charlie revealed that night that the hill made him feel close to his mum, as if she was watching over him as he sat at the top of Evergreen’s highest point, as close to the sky as he could possibly get. Alex knew he’d be there, he just prayed he wouldn’t be too late.

As both he and Jessica reached the top of the hill, Alex’s shoulders relaxed, his eyes blinking back black spots as he gained his breath back. Stress and intense exercise were not good for him. He felt as if he would faint. As his vision cleared he spotted the person he had been begging to see, hunched over and fragile as he stood hovering over the ledge of the hill top. 

Jessica gasped, instinctively rushing forward, only to be pulled back by Alex, shaking his head like a mad man, his tone quiet as he hushed her squeal. He didn’t want to alarm Charlie, what if it made him fall?

Alex knew only too well what it was like to be on a ledge, both mentally and physically. It was imperative that he stayed calm in this second. Charlie needed him to be strong, and for once in his life he had to push his own pain deep down and focus on Charlie’s.

“C-Charlie.” He mumbled, slowly edging forward, his shaky hands outstretched, his eyes welling. “C-Charlie p-please come away from the ledge.” He begged, a loving smile on his lips, eyes fixed on Charlie’s as he hastily turned, shocked by the voice of his loved one.

“Y-You shouldn’t b-be here.” Charlie whimpered his foot tentatively wavering over the edge as he turned back to face the drop below him. “P-Please g-go Alex I d-don’t want y-you to s-see this.”

“B-Baby I’m not l-leaving till you’re safe in my arms.” Alex found it harder and harder to fight back his sobs, taking a step closer to the boy with each word. “T-Talk to me Charlie, t-tell me w-what’s going on.”

“I-I have nothing l-left,” the younger boy sobbed, shakily burying his head in his hands. “I-I can’t b-bare it a-anymore, not w-without you, I already l-lost my mum I c-can’t lose you t-too.” He hiccuped, his heavy tears running down onto his neck, his gaze now fixed on the sky. “I-I can f-feel her L-Lex, I can f-feel her pulling me t-towards her.” 

“C-Charlie, y-you haven’t l-lost m-me, you’ll never l-lose me baby.” Alex sobbed, his emotions finally taking their toll. Jessica was stood close behind him, hands on her phone, fingers ready to dial 911. 

“Y-You d-don’t wanna do this, I-it wont c-change anything, trust me.” He pleaded, arm stretched out, his hand wobbling as he begged Charlie to take it. “C-Come on, y-your mum wouldn’t w-want this.”

“Y-You l-left me, y-you don’t love me, I d-don’t k-know what else to do. I f-feel w-worthless A-Alex, l-like I d-don’t have a p-purpose. Y-You were my p-purpose.” Charlie could feel himself crumbling, his body wavering over the edge. “N-Need t-to go, it’s b-better for e-everyone.” 

Alex shook his head, his lips quivering, salty tears lining his cheeks. “I-I never s-stopped loving y-you Charlie, that’s not why we b-broke up.” He cried. “I d-didn’t want you to r-ruin your l-life c-caring for m-me, I c-certainly didn’t want this!” 

“Y-You don’t g-get to pick and choose A-Alex, you c-can’t just d-decide that I shouldn’t c-care about you anymore, t-that’s not up to y-you.” Charlie looked mad, his fragile figure tense and teary eyed as he continued to look down. “I-I just feel s-so alone.” Charlie whispered, his voice tired and defeated.

“Baby I was wrong, so wrong, but right now you need to let me care for you instead, can you let me d-do t-that?” Alex stumbled forward, leaving him in arms reach of his love. He could hear Charlie’s panicked breaths, and once again held out his hand. “I-I’ve been where y-you are Charlie, I-I in fact went o-over the so called ledge and I-it’s not peaceful, I-it’s not a happy ending, I-it’s hell baby, h-hell on earth and I can’t let you do that. I can’t let you m-make the same m-mistake I m-made.”

“I-I’m s-sorry L-Lex.” Charlie muttered breathlessly, his voice monotone, his gaze fixated on the distant ground below them. “I-I Love-“

With that Alex struck when Charlie was least expecting, his good hand striking to grab Charlie’s arm, using all his strength to pull the boy backwards into his embrace and onto the floor, far away from the ledge. Alex felt Charlie’s scream rattle through his body, and proceeded to hold him down, his arms wrapped tightly around him, his head pressed against his as he begged for him to calm down.

Jessica watched the pair struggle, standing between Charlie and the ledge as Alex pinned him the best he could with his frail frame. 

Within seconds Charlie’s fighting stopped, his body collapsing into Alex’s embrace as his anger turned into violent sobs, wracking his body as Alex held on tight.

“I-I’m s-sorry.” Charlie whimpered, burying his head into Alex’s chest as he soaked his shirt in salty tears. “I-I just wanted m-my mum.” He sobbed as Alex tried to hush him. 

“It’s okay, it’s okay, let it all out, you’re safe now baby, I’ve got you, I’ve got you.” He stroked back his messy hair, placing a kiss to his forehead as Jessica leant down beside them, wrapping her jacket over Charlie’s shaking form. “I-I love you Charlie, I love you so m-much.” Alex looked heartbroken, his demeanour devastating as he rocked his boy back and forth.

“A-Alex?” Charlie sniffed, his face white with the shock. “P-Please don’t l-leave m-me.” 

“Never again baby, never again.” Alex cooed, hushing him the best he could with calming breaths. “It’s my turn to help you okay?” He watched as Charlie tentatively nodded, Alex now signalling Jess to ring for assistance. 

He had been so caught up in his own unhappiness that he had forgotten that he wasn’t the only one struggling, the only one that needed to be pulled away from the metaphorical ledge. 

“I’m going to look after you C-Charlie.” He whispered, holding him close to his chest. His heart shattered as Charlie gripped on tightly to his shirt, as if he was helpless, terrified even. Alex took his hand in his, massaging his sweaty palms as he stared deeply into his defeated eyes. “I-I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got so many requests wanting to see a fragile Charlie for once, so I took it to the extreme. I feel like this is very out of character for him, but I wanted it to be proof that even the happiest of people on the outside can have the lowest lows. Check on your extroverted friends!


	14. Normal Is Overrated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Multiple requests: When the group arrange a weekend away, Alex feels ashamed that his TBI is holding them all back, but of course Charlie is there to save the day.

A/N: This oneshot is set around the time of the beginning of s3 with a couple of changes to the cannon plot! Bryce is unfortunately very much alive still, but Charlie and Alex are already dating! ❤️

It had been Zach’s idea. A well deserved break away from all of the madness that was Evergreen and more importantly, Liberty High. It had been one drunken night where the group were piled lazily around Charlie’s coffee table, half of the members passed out against the sofa, the others hammered as they continued to play never have I ever with awfully cheap alcoholic beverages. That is when the idea hit the boy, his eyes acting as form of metaphorical lightbulb, his voice bellowing, as he drunkenly suggested a weekend away. He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol talking but he needed something freeing, a few days where they could forget about everything and anything, just enjoying each other’s company.

Alex felt excited for the first time in months. He hadn’t left the town once since his attempt, and he was itching to see new scenery with not only his mismatched group of now ride or die friends, but his beautiful Charlie, the boy that was currently sat behind him, arms looped around his neck, legs stretched out as Alex sat against him. 

A weekend away sounded like a perfect idea, even if the group proceeded to arrange activity after activity. They were all things Alex couldn’t wait to do, even if physically, they appeared impossible. This was the issue you see, physically, the soon to be senior had only just gotten back on his feet. After relying on his cane and a constant beckon call of support for the last nine months, it had been a strange few weeks as he had gradually phased his support cane out. Everyone agreed that his PT had improved his movement, but he still tried his best to hide his struggles, his tiredness and his constant limb ache as he walked further and further without support. 

Only Charlie and Zach had noticed how exhausted he was getting recently, constantly concerned that he was pushing himself too far too quickly. Charlie knew Alex hated feeling helpless and incapable, but it had only been a few months since he could barely stand. He sighed, pulling him gently to the side as Jessica began to search for Airbnb’s and a selection of remote California cabins. 

“Are you sure you wanna go?” He whispered gently, earning a huff and a subtle eye roll from his boyfriend as he shuffled round to nod his head. “Trust me, I know you want to get out of this hell hole, but you’re still recovering Lex. Have you seen all the things they are planning on doing? A hike, lake swimming, theme parks?”

“Charlie, I’m fine, honestly.” Alex protested, smiling up at Jess and Zach as they gazed over at their hushed conversation. “I’ve ditched the cane and I can just sit out if I need to, it’ll be fine.” He reassured, relenting softly at his boyfriend as Charlie released a sigh of defeat.

“Alright, but promise me you won’t push yourself too much okay?” Charlie pressed a kiss to his forehead, pushing back his fluffy hair with a soft smile as Alex nodded.

“Promise.”  
.  
.  
Before they knew it, three weeks had passed and the group were packed and ready to go for a long weekend, or a four day bender as Zach called it, in a luxury cabin on the outskirts of the West Coast. It was only 8am in the morning, but the pool of cars were almost ready to leave, Zach, Jessica, Justin, Clay and Ani in one car and Alex, Charlie, Tyler, Tony and Caleb in the other. 

Alex continued to protest as his dad proceeded to load his suitcase into Charlie’s car, alongside his large bag of pills and his leg brace ‘just incase’ he seized up after a long day. Both Carolyn and Bill were apprehensive, but after Charlie convinced them that Alex would be well looked after, they budged slightly on their decision to let him go, making the trip possible under one infuriating condition.

He had to bring the cane.

He had been without it for over a month now, relying on it only a handful of times on his bad days. It had caused what Charlie would have described as a semi-meltdown, an almost red episode as his parents continued to insist on focusing on his disability. Gosh, Alex hated that word, he hated everything about his TBI. Charlie knew he loathed the idea of being taken care of, and sympathised with his boyfriend as he cried himself to sleep, sobbing harshly against his chest. Alex wanted to feel normal, that was what this weekend was about for him. When he no longer had the strength to cry, Charlie had stroked his hair, his thumb caressing his teary cheek as he relaxed into a peaceful slumber. In that moment he vowed to himself that he would try to make this trip as perfect as possible for his love. 

After all, Alex deserved some normality in his life.  
.  
.  
“How long have we been walking now?” Charlie pestered Tyler who proceeded to check the trail on his phone. “Zach said this hike would take no more than two hours, we’ve been walking for at least three and we are still not at the top of this god dammed hill!” 

Charlie was beginning to fret. Most of the group had walked ahead unaware that Alex had begun to slow slightly, Tyler and Charlie lingering behind to make sure he was okay. Alex didn’t want to admit it, but he was exhausted. He could barely feel his legs moving, his eyes dropping, his breaths now sharp and painful. As always, he didn’t understand how his head injury could have such a physical impact on his body. He felt as if he had the capacity of an 80 year old with multiple health conditions.

“Baby, do you want to take a break?” Charlie suggested, gently resting his hand on Alex’s shoulder. Tyler had ran ahead on Charlie’s orders to get Zach who currently had both Alex’s leg brace and cane taped to his back. As much as Alex had protested against bringing them, Zach had insisted, strapping them to his backpack before the frailer boy could object.

“M’fine.” Alex puffed, closing his eyes as he leant slightly on the jock to catch his breath. “I-I’ve got to do this Charlie.” He insisted, pushing off from his shoulder as he continued to hobble up the hill.

“And you will do Lex, but we don’t have to rush it okay?” Charlie ran forward and blocked him as he tried to grip his shoulders. “Remember what we said about not pushing yourself? You’ve been walking without aid for nearly 3 hours Alex.” 

Alex could feel himself getting irritated. He could do this, there was nothing wrong with him, if he just kept focusing on walking, if he just kept focusing-

“Alex, come on, sit down with me.” Charlie tried to manoeuvre him to the grassy part of the path, but with what strength he had left, Alex shook him off, a huff of desperation leaving his lips, jaw clenched and angry.

“For fuck sake Charlie just let me do it okay.” Alex snapped, his adrenaline fuelling his achey limbs as he powered off in front. “You’re not my fucking mother!” 

Charlie didn’t know how to respond. He gulped back the lump in his throat and shook away his anxious tears. Alex didn’t mean it. He didn’t. He regained his composure before jogging to rejoin him at his side.

“Well, if you’re doing this, we’ll do it together.” He pleaded, subtly looping his arm under Alex’s. He felt his boyfriend fight the support, but failed miserably as he leaned slightly, desperately slowing his breaths so Charlie wouldn’t recognise his struggle.

He had to do this. He was normal.

“They are at the top, it’s literally five minutes away, after those trees.” The boys looked up to see Tyler speeding down the hill, camera clung between his fingers, a relived look on his face as he saw Alex still standing. “You good to get to the top Lex?” He questioned, instantly regretting his choice of words as Charlie subtly signalled for him to quieten.

“Urgh could everyone stop talking to me as if I’m about to drop fucking dead.” Alex could feel himself going red, again pulling away from Charlie’s grip. “Why don’t you ask Zach or Justin if they can make it up the hill? Oh yeah, because they aren’t fucking cripples like me!” He screamed.

“I’m-I I’m sorry I just-“ Tyler tried, stopped by Charlie as he pulled him back.

“Let him go.” Charlie huffed. “He’s not gonna stop until he does this.” 

The pair hung back as they watched Alex reach the clearing behind the trees. His leg was slacking, his steps slow and now shaky, but they couldn’t help but feel proud of him as he saw himself reach the top, a grin softly forming against his tomato red cheeks as he saw Jessica sprinting towards him.

“If it isn’t the wanderer himself.” Jess stretched out her hand as she giggled, pulling the tired boy over the rocks and into her arms. Alex was overjoyed at his achievement, his vision blurring as he saw Clay and Ani sharing a sandwich, Tony and Caleb practicing boxing hits and Zach and Justin already on the bourbon. None of them were the slightest bit exhausted.

As he finally stopped moving he could feel his legs stiffen, his head ringing and tiny black spots forming in his vision. He practically fell into Jessica’s arms as she hoisted him up and onto the clearing.

“Lex?” She mumbled jokingly, still not sure if he was playing around with her as Charlie rushed towards them. “You good?” She could feel his heavy panting as he hugged her tight. The question was, was he hugging or hanging on for dear life?

“Hey Alex, baby you did it!” Charlie cooed, eyeing Jess with concern as the boy still struggled for his breath. “Aww baby c’mere.” He watched Jess pull away, smiling to hide his worry as Alex wobbled, instinctively leaning into his boyfriend.

With that he felt his legs give way, the dizziness proving to be too much as he fell into Charlie’s embrace, his knees buckling as he slid down, only to be caught by Charlie’s hands looping themselves under his arms. He felt as if he was going to pass out.

“Woah, woah, Alex?” Charlie manoeuvred him to the floor, quickly moving to the ground so he could pull Alex’s frame into his lap. “It’s okay buddy, take some deep breaths for me alright?” He motioned for Tyler to chuck him his water bottle, and unscrewed it quickly, carefully placing it to Alex’s lips as his head lolled backwards. “That’s it, take some small sips, you’ll be okay in a minute.”

He wasn’t going to lecture him on overdoing it, Alex already knew that, the pale boy’s eyes laced with guilt as he wearily gazed up at Charlie who was still holding his head up.

“Shit is he okay?” Justin panicked taking Jessica’s arm. “Yeah should we call someone?” Jessica added, pulling out her phone in an effort to get signal.

Charlie stared down as Alex who still scrunched his eyes shut, begging to get a breath. He calmed though as Alex gestured he was okay, squeezing his hand as he panted. 

“It’s okay baby, you’re okay.”

The group had rushed to surround them, Zach pushing through with his PT head on as he knelt beside them with his bag. 

“Hey man, lets sort you out okay?” Alex knew everyone was speaking to him as if he were a child, but right now that is what he deserved. He had been incredibly stupid to have thought he could make it out of this trip unscathed. He nodded weakly against Charlie’s chest as Zach pulled out an ice pack from his freezer bag, the one that had been keeping the sandwiches cold, and placed it around his throbbing leg. “Right, lets leave that on there for ten minutes and see how the movement is after that.” He smiled, looping his hand under his left arm as Charlie took his right to shuffle him back under a tree for shade.

“M’sorry.” Alex began to whimper as everyone looked at him, soothed as Charlie sat up against the tree with him, stroking his sweaty mop back. His other hand gripped his shoulder, in a fear Alex would fall forward without support. “J-just wanted to be n-normal for o-once.” He let the tears freely fall, sniffling as Charlie proceeded to kiss his hair and whisper calming words in his ear.

“Alex, did you not see what you just did?” Jessica pulled away from Justin, kneeling down in front of him as she grabbed his fingers. “I don’t know many people who couldn’t even walk 9 months ago, manage to hike for three hours without any breaks.” She watched him weakly nod his head, his lip quivering as Tony joined in.

“Alex, rightly or wrongly you’re one of the strongest people we know.” The boxer smiled.

“normal is overrated baby.” Charlie hummed, flipping the ice to his lower leg. “You should be proud of yourself.” 

“T-Thanks guys.” Alex was embarrassed, regaining his strength slightly as his breathing slowed. He could feel his arms aching as he pulled himself into a sitting position, gesturing up at Zach as he knelt down to test his leg movement. 

After half an hour, Alex could feel himself being shaken slightly by Charlie, his eyes refocusing to see the sandwiches being packed, and the sun beginning to set as Zach headed towards him, leg brace in tow. 

“I think you should put this on man, or you’re gonna be in serious pain on the walk down.” Alex was exhausted, he hadn’t thought about the walk back. He hummed in agreement against Charlie’s chest, not protesting as Zach slipped it on.

“Can you stand love?” Charlie rose, offering his support as both he and Zach pulled Alex into a standing position, Charlie’s hand hovering over his back to steady him as he regained his balance. Alex felt as if he were back at square one, wobbling and weak.

He hated to admit it, but he needed the cane.

“Can you grab my ermm-“ He didn’t want to say the word, he stupidly felt ashamed after all of his protesting about the walk aid.

Charlie said no more, nodding at Zach to pick it up from the grass. The PT coach placed it under his good hand, lightly brushing his fingers in comfort as Alex gripped onto its support. “It’s not something to be ashamed about Lex, you know that right?” Zach relented.

“I know.” Alex huffed.  
.  
.  
It was 12pm the next day when Alex realised just how badly he had pushed himself. His head spun with every nudge Charlie gave to wake him, his eyes barely open as he wearily looked up at his fully dressed boyfriend, hovering over his bedside, concern lacing his brow.

“Alex, sweetie, it’s 12 o’clock.” He soothed, rubbing his fingers comfortingly across his arm. “You wouldn’t wake this morning so we left you in.” He fretted, taking a seat on the edge of the cabin bed as he put his hand to his forehead. 

“C-Charlie everything hurts.” He muffled softly, grimacing as he tried to raise his head. “O-Overdone i-it.” He hissed in pain as he tried to reach his glass of water.

“You’re not kidding Lex.” Charlie, placed Alex’s shaky fingers back against his side, leaning over to grab the cup himself before placing a hand behind his head, lifting it up so he could take a sip. “On a scale of one to ten, how bad is it?”

“A solid 9.5.” 

Charlie nodded, looping his arm around his back so he could pull his boyfriend up to sit against the pillows. “I’m going to get your pain meds okay?” He sighed sadly as Alex replied with a nod, too tired to do much else. He winced as Charlie handed him his box of pills, swallowing each one painfully slowly as his boyfriend rubbed his back.

The whole world felt slow today for Alex. It took him longer to process what his boyfriend was even saying, his ears feeling as if they were constantly ringing. His mind felt foggy and all he wanted to do was curl back up and sleep, but he knew it was the last day, the beach day that Charlie had been looking forward to most. He couldn’t let him miss this.

“W-What time are we leaving for the beach?” Alex hummed, curling his lips in hope as Charlie shook his head, brushing his hair back between his fingers. 

“You’re not going anywhere today mister.” Charlie booped his nose, pulling the blanket over the top of his figure so he was comfortable once again. “And no protesting. You need to rest today baby, before you do any more damage.”

“B-But you’ve been l-looking forward to it all-“

“What did I just say?” Charlie giggled. “We’re both sitting this one out.” 

Alex could only nod, he knew he was right. He curled into the sheets, his head buried in his pillow, his eyes falling shut almost instantly. 

“M’sorry.” He whispered as Charlie pulled the covers over his shoulder as he began to drift back into slumber. “Just wanted to have a normal beach day with my normal boyfriend.” He sighed breathlessly. “M’ never gonna be norma-“ 

With that he was out like a light, his breaths slow and heavy again, his shaky limbs relaxing as the medication kicked in. Charlie smiled sadly, leaning over to press a kiss to his forehead.

“We’ll have plenty of beach time together my darling.” He muttered, silently leaving the room so his boyfriend could rest in peace. “Just you wait and see.”  
.  
.  
It was now 4pm and Alex felt himself being pulled back into the real world once again as Charlie pressed a light kiss to his lips. He woke with a smile, suddenly acquainted with Charlie’s baby blues.

“Is it time for more food?” Alex giggled, feeling brighter than he did this morning. He had spent the day in the world of slumber, only woken every few hours by Charlie with the odd snack and snuggle.

“Much better than that.” Charlie cooed, pulling back the covers. “Feel like getting up for a bit? I’ve got a surprise for you!” 

Alex nodded, gingerly pushing himself up so his legs were hanging over the bed. He was in sweats and a baggy top, but smiled when Charlie chucked his own jumper over to him, the red wool drowning him as he went to stand.

“Hey, hey, c’mere.” Charlie placed his hands on his shoulders to steady him as he wobbled, using the moment as an excuse to wrap his arms around his neck and place a kiss onto Alex’s lips.

As they pulled away, Alex shifted his weight onto his good leg, deciding that he was still in rather a lot of pain. For the first time in forever, he didn’t feel shame in asking for help.

“Could you grab my cane baby, I’m not feeling too good.” He motioned to the thing propped up in the corner of the room. 

Charlie was relived that his boyfriend was finally taking care of himself, quickly picking it up and placing it under Alex’s grip. 

“Now follow me Lex, you won’t regret it.”

As they slowly walked along the corridor of the cabin, Alex began to hear tropical music. His eyes widened, a confused smirk lacing his lips as he was greeted by his entire group of friends sat in and out of the garden, a bbq smoking, and a cheap target paddling pool taken up by Ani, Jess, Justin and Clay. Zach was flipping burgers, Tyler, Tony has Caleb chilling on the veranda sofas.

“W-What is all this?” Alex was overwhelmed, giggling softly as Charlie chucked a rainbow garland over his neck. 

“Well, since you can’t go to the beach today, we thought we’d bring the beach to you.” Charlie beamed, his heart warming as tears pricked at Alex’s eyes. He watched his boyfriend hobble to the outside veranda, laughing at Jessica’s fake swimming attempt in the 2ft blow up pool.

“You guys, you didn’t have to do this.” Alex chuckled breathlessly. “Awh, there’s burgers and everything.” He gazed over at Zach, who was already plating him one up.

“Now Standall, tonight is all about you so it means you actually have to smile for a large proportion of it.” Tony joked as he walked over to wrap him in a hug. 

“Oh don’t worry I’ll one hundred percent be swimming laps in that little pool later.” The smaller boy sniggered. 

“Hey, I spent hours finding this!” Ani piped up, splashing him with her free hand as she cradled a cocktail in the other. 

“Need to sit?” Charlie saw his boyfriend beginning to grow tired and led Alex to the spare sofa along the veranda, helping him to settle into the cushions. He took the place next to him, pulling his boyfriend into him so he was stretched out and comfy.

As Alex tucked into his burger, he looked around him, his heart swelling as he watched his friends mess around, running around the garden in a mad water fight, the music bellowing, the smell of burning coals and freshly cut grass immersing him. In that moment he accepted that he wasn’t necessarily ‘normal‘, but he was grateful, grateful for exactly who he was in that second.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Charlie used his thumb to spin Alex’s chin to face him, placing a peck to the side of his temple.

“I just can’t believe how I got so lucky.” Alex mumbled. “You’re right Charles, being normal is overrated.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So recently nearly all of my requests have been liking the inclusion of different parts of Alex’s TBI, so I hope this was okay! Let me know in the comments what kind of things you’d like to see in these fics!x


	15. Little Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex’s son finally finds out about Alex’s past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! It’s been so long! I do apologise! I have a new job so it’s been hectic round here!! Updates will be a little slower, but they are still coming! ❤️

A\N: In this oneshot, Mia and Jack have started Junior high, and are 13 years old.  
.  
.  
It was a autumnal Thursday evening when the topic finally came up at the dinner table. Alex grinned at his husband as he brought over the roast beef, placing the pot down with thick oven gloves by the roast potatoes, and the vegetables that neither of the kids would touch.

It started off as a normal family meal, Mia and Jack fighting about their place at the table as Alex tried his best to hush them. They were 13, meaning they were at the stage where they hated each other, to a point that was exhausting for both Charlie and Alex.

“So kiddos, how was your first day of the new semester?” Charlie hummed, eyeing them both as Mia happily nodded, cheerfully beginning to ramble about her new role in the drama club, and the two term parties she had already been invited to. “That’s amazing sweetie.” Alex could feel his heart swelling. His little girl had so much confidence, her constant smile proof that she loved her school life, something that set Alex’s mind at ease.

Jack gulped as he felt both Alex and Charlie’s eyes fall on him, solemnly pushing his food around his plate as he he constantly gazed at his phone. Mia nudged him, leaning over to grab his phone and snatch it from the table. Before Alex and Charlie could blink the pair had their arms on each other, wrestling for the device, their voices hoarse and squeaky as they fought.

“Hey, hey, hey, come on guys stop messing about.” Alex begged from the other side of the table. “Mia give your brother his phone back.” He spoke calmly, that had always been his approach.

“WE ARE NOT ALLOWED PHONES AT THE TABLE WHY DOES HE GET AN EXCEPTION!?” The young girl screamed, face red and angry as Jack tried to pull her fingers from her grip. “GET OFF ME YOU IDIOT.”

“DON’T TAKE MY FUCKING STUFF THEN.” Jack screamed back, his voice faltering as he realised he had sworn in front of his parents. A smirk formed on Mia’s face, still clasping the phone in her hand as Charlie stood up from his seat, angrily snatching it from her grip.

“BOTH OF YOU, PACK IT IN, NOW.” He was breathing heavily, exhausted after a long day of work, and tired of hearing his two babies scream at each other. “Mia you are not to take your brother’s things, and Jack, you’re not supposed to have you phone at the table, nor do I ever expect you to use words like that in this house ever again. Have you got that?” 

Both of the twins nodded apologetically, their eyes back on their plates, Jack’s leg nervously twitching from under the table. He could feel himself flushing, his hands clammy as he panicked. He didn’t want to tell his dads about his day, he didn’t want to tell anyone about his day. 

This was too much for him. He’d never be as good as Mia. He would never be good enough.

“M’Sorry.” He mumbled, his eyes glistening with tears as he pushed back from the table, forgetting his phone as he stormed up the stairs.

Charlie rose instantly, his gut feeling to run after him in both anger and concern. He felt his husband tug on his arm, shaking his head as he pulled him back into his seat.

“Let him go.” Alex whispered, knowing all too well that the boy was overwhelmed, rather like himself back at that age. He knew he needed breathing time, but couldn’t ignore his mind beginning to race with possibilities as Mia sunk into her seat, her now quiet demeanour hiding something.

“Okay, what do you know?” Alex was wearing his serious expression, the one that both children knew not to mess with. Mia picked herself up, allowing a large sigh to grace her lips. “Mia is Jack being bullied?” Alex knew the signs only too well, biting his lips as he waited for her to answer.

“M-Maybe.” She mumbled, her glare back on her little fingers. “There was this rumour going around that he was gay, just like you two, and now people are teasing him about it.” She pointed at the boy’s phone, sat face down on the table. “Some freshman boys keep texting him or something, I told him not to look at it but-“

With that Alex stopped her, his eyes on Charlie as the thing they worried about most was coming true. “Thank you for being honest with us baby.” He watched Charlie take the phone, desperately trying to unlock it with panicked fingers.

“Can I be excused?” Charlie could tell his daughter felt guilty, awkward even as she shared her brothers secret. 

“Yes, of course.” Alex smiled, allowing his demeanour to fall as she left the room.

“It’s 2035, how is this still happening?” He sighed, his head falling to rest in his hands. “I wanted them to be happy at school, I didn’t want either of them to, to-“ he paused, desperately trying to control his tears. “To feel-“

“Like you did?” Charlie smiled sadly, shuffling to sit closer to his husband as he rubbed small circles in the top of his back. “It’s gonna be okay Lex, we will sort this out. Just gotta get into his phone and see what’s been going on.” 

“God if I knew my parents were trying to hack into my phone at that age I would have gone ballistic.” Alex chucked softly, rubbing the stray tear from his welled eye. “Pass it here.” 

Charlie, passed the phone, huffing as his 5th attempt had locked him out. “Good luck.” He sniggered, standing to clear the plates.

“I’m in.” Alex smirked, waving the unlocked screen in Charlie’s face. “Joydivision23” he chuckled, amused by his husbands dumbfounded expression. “His favourite band and your jersey number from when you were in the giants.” 

“You know that boy so well.” Charlie huffed, rolling his eyes as he took the seat next to his husband, who’s face had just turned a shady tone of white.

“I-I don’t think I know him at all.” Alex trembled, eyes wide as he stared at the messages before him. “Charlie how didn’t we spot this, how did I not spot this?” He handed the mobile to his other half, hands shaking, breaths quickening. Charlie’s instinct was to calm him, slowly taking his hand as he read through.

“Some of these insults are disgusting.” Charlie whimpered. His heart was breaking. “There are actual death threats on here, all because they think he might be gay? I’ve got a right mind to go down there and-“

“Charlie, Charlie stop.” Alex pleaded, refreshing the messages so Charlie could see what his son has replied. “L-Look.” His quivering finger pointed to the message that brought and instant lump to Charlie’s throat.

Jack: Maybe I will just kill myself then if that’s what you all want?

Charlie rose from his seat instantly, his mind on his son, as he stormed towards the stairs. This couldn’t happen again, after Alex, this could not happen again.

“CHARLIE.” Alex ran in front of him, stumbling to block the stairs the best he could with his useless leg. “Charlie, look, look at me.” He cupped his husbands face, hands caressing his teary cheeks.

“You know it has to be me to do this.” Alex soothed Charlie’s anger. He watched his husband shakily nod, before standing back to see Alex climb the stairs.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” The younger man whispered.

“I have to be.” Alex gulped. “He needs me.”   
.  
.  
Alex took a deep breath before he knocked, swallowing back his nerves as he heard the soft, ironically uninviting Invite into his son’s room. 

As he entered he could see that Jack had been crying, the tear tracks on his cheeks a dead give away, amongst his room that had been angrily trashed, and the fact that his son sat with his head in his hands on his double bed.

Alex didn’t say anything at first, he just took a seat, smiling sadly as his son pulled his head up to look him in the eye.

“I know why you’re here.” He mumbled, his expression angry as Alex nodded, handing back his phone. “Y-you had no r-right-“ he sniffed, snatching the device and throwing it to the end of the bed. 

“I’m sorry Jack, I had to.” Alex sighed, leaning closer. “We need to have a chat about some of the messages we’ve seen son, I’m worried about you.” 

Jack proceeded to remain silent, tears threatening to well in his beautiful blues. 

“Jack, that last message you sent them, did you mean that sweetheart?”

“It’s not like anyone would care.” Jack sounded defeated, and all Alex wanted to do was wrap him in a hug. No thirteen year old deserved to feel like this. No boy deserved to feel the way he did at that age.

“Jack, you know that is not true.” Alex felt his heart shatter, and he knew it was time to unleash the secret he had been keeping from his children. He brushed across his hair, feeling for the scar that had remained hidden for nearly 20 years. “Pass me your hand.” He whispered, motioning to his head as Jack’s face scrunched in confusion.

He placed his little boy’s hand over his worst mistake, and couldn’t help but tear up as Jack pulled back.

“Dad what is that?” He gulped, dumbfounded as he brushed across it. 

“That son, was the worst mistake I ever made.” Alex took a breath before turning to face him on the bed, slowly taking his son’s hands in his, as his youngest boy’s expression turned sheepish. “When I was only a little older than you, I was in a dark place, a place that I thought I could never escape from, and I made the really stupid decision to try and take my own life.”

Alex could feel his voice shaking. He’d kept this a secret from them for so long. He saw his son’s eyes widen, his lips trembling as he began to overthink.

“W-What d-did you do?” Jack sniffed, gripping his dad’s hand. “Why did you do that?” 

“I shot myself just above my temple. The gun slipped, and the bullet missed the fatal parts of my brain. That is why, even to this day I struggle with a few things.”

“S-So that’s why you have your bad leg, bad days, Dad just said that-“

“Me and your dad were just trying to protect you from that son. I-I didn’t want you and your sister to t-think any less of me.” Alex couldn’t hold back his tears anymore, he sniffled, earning a look of concern from his son. “My biggest fear was for either of you to ever feel like you had no way out Jack, you know things always do get better don’t you?”

“B-But what if they don’t dad. I-I f-feel-“ Jack began to sob, the situation too overwhelming as he pressed his head into his sweaty palms. “I-I f-feel a-as if I-I’m drowning.” He whimpered, earning a stifled sob from Alex as he finally embraced his child’s shaken figure.

“Oh baby c’mere.” Alex soothed, allowing his son to cry against his chest. “Listen to me okay, this feeling will pass, I’m going to help you okay? You’re so loved Jack, you know that right?”

“Y-You k-know how I-it feels?” He mumbled, his sobs stifling. “What happened, w-when you know?”

“Your grandad found me, I was in my bathroom and everything was just too much. I felt like I was drowning baby, just like you, but you know what, my dad and your uncle Zach, well they pulled me back up to the surface.” He smiled. “And then your dad came along and has kept me afloat ever since.”

He watched Jack nod submissively before gazing down at his hands.

“I will always be that person that will pull you to the surface, you know that right?” Alex pressed a kiss to his now darker curls. “You are perfect, just the way you are, anyone who tells you different doesn’t know what they are talking about. It took a long time for me to accept that, but just as my Pops told me, you just have to live the best life you can, and no matter what that is or where it takes you I will love you unconditionally.” 

Jack nodded through his tears, burying his head back into Alex’s chest as he sobbed again. Alex could tell he was overwhelmed, squeezing him tightly as they both teared.

“D-Dad I won’t do it.” Jack whispered amongst his sobs. “Y-you got through it a-and so can I.” 

“W-We’re gonna do more than get you through it little man. You will be happy once again okay?” 

“Little man?” Jack chuckled as he wiped his tears. “You haven’t called me that in years, in fact, I think I’m taller than you?” 

“You’re right son, I suppose you’re not my little man anymore.” Alex sighed. “But you know what, I’m so proud of the man you’ve grown into, you’ll always remember that okay?” He stroked the top of his son’s hair, pressing a final kiss to his head. “Now, Let’s go and have some desert with your dad, and we are gonna sort out this bullying problem okay?” 

Jack nodded, smiling up at his father as he began to stand. “Dad?” He whispered as Alex opened the door, taking a breath as his father looked back with his soft and loving eyes. “I’m so glad you’re still alive.” He gulped, tears pricking once more.

“Me too son, me too.”


End file.
